Sex can bring out our deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities. And what happens when we’re in that headspace? Unfortunately, many of us lie to save face or protect feelings.
I know, I know…no one wants to hear that their partner is faking an orgasm or exaggerating their satisfaction. However, the truth can also be painful, especially in such an intimate context. That’s why so many people’s authentic and honest communication goes out the window when they’re in the bedroom.
Still, this naturally creates more of a disconnect between partners.
“People think they’re being kind by telling these lies, but they’re actually creating barriers to genuine connection,” said Emily Conway, CEO of Dragon Toys, a London-based adult toy specialist.
Conway identified the six most common lies people tell in bed—and how to break free from dishonesty.
1. “I Came”
Many people, especially women, have admitted to faking it in bed. Whether in an attempt to reassure their partner or end an awkward sexual encounter, this lie can actually be quite damaging.
“Faking orgasms might seem kind in the moment, but it’s actually counterproductive,” says Conway. “Your partner can’t improve if they don’t know what’s really working for you.”
Rather than creating an opportunity for deeper connection and pleasure, you’re perpetuating a cycle of lying and performing.
2. “I Love It When You Do That”
…Do you really? Or are you just saying that? Because apparently, this is one of the most common bedroom lies.
“It’s natural to want to make your partner feel good about themselves, but pretending to enjoy something you don’t will only lead to problems down the line,” Conway explains.
Remember that your pleasure is just as important as your partner’s feelings. You can gently and kindly communicate what you do want without attacking them. We all have different sexual needs and preferences. It’s not personal.
3. “You’re The Best I’ve Ever Had”
Let’s be honest: we all love this ego boost. But if that’s all it is, rather than the genuine truth, it can be pretty obvious.
Not to mention, the comparison is just unnecessary. There’s no need to bring anyone else into the equation while being intimate with your partner.
“Excessive praise can actually create performance pressure,” notes Conway. “Genuine compliments about specific things that actually felt good are much more meaningful.”
4. “I’m Fine”
Sometimes, we lie and say we’re okay with something that actually makes us uncomfortable, anxious, or in pain. Women, in particular, have been taught to prioritize the man’s pleasure and downplay their own satisfaction and comfort for his benefit. However, others might have this tendency, too—especially if there’s a history of sexual trauma.
“Your comfort and pleasure matter just as much as your partner’s,” Conway emphasizes. “Good partners want you to speak up if something isn’t working.”
5. “I Don’t Need Foreplay”
Sure, you might be able to jump into sex without any sort of lead-up once in a while. However, foreplay is often the most intimate and crucial part of a sexual connection.
“Foreplay isn’t just nice to have. It’s often necessary for proper arousal and enjoyment,” says Conway. “There’s nothing wrong with needing time to get in the mood.”
6. “That Never Happens”
Many men feel anxiety and shame when they experience performance issues in bed. Problems like premature ejaculation and difficulty maintaining an erection are extremely common. Rather than acting like it’s some rare one-off, try to be upfront with your partner so you can work through any recurring issues.
“Sexual hiccups are completely normal,” Conway reassured. “Acknowledging them reduces anxiety and often helps resolve the issue faster than pretending everything’s perfect.”
Breaking Free From Dishonesty
While it might seem like the “nice” thing to do, lying about your sexual experience will only harm you, your partner, and your connection.
“The biggest misconception is that honesty kills romance, but it’s actually the opposite,” Conway said. “When you create space for authentic communication, intimacy improves dramatically. Instead of saying ‘I came’ when you didn’t, try ‘that felt amazing, but I’m not quite there yet.’ Rather than ‘I love that’ when you don’t, suggest ‘I’d love to try something different.’”
Of course, these conversations can be delicate and should be handled with care—at the right moment.
“The key is timing and tone,” Conway explained. “You don’t need to have deep relationship talks during heated moments, but creating opportunities for honest feedback afterwards makes all the difference. Partners who communicate openly about what works and what doesn’t report much higher satisfaction levels. Remember, your pleasure matters just as much as theirs, and good partners want you to enjoy yourself genuinely, not just pretend to.”
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