As we approach cuffing season, you may be re-downloading dating apps and scheduling some meetups. However, as we slowly approach Halloween, don’t be surprised if you come across a few…polter-ghosters.
You’ve likely already heard of the awful habit of “ghosting,” but “polter-ghosting” is a bit different. This dating trend involves standing up your date, so they’re left alone at a dinner or coffee date for two. While regular ghosting involves slowly pulling back from conversations and regular contact, polter-ghosting sets the intention of planning a date and never following through on it.
Here’s what you should know about this spooky dating trend.
Beware of Polter-Ghosts on Your Next Dating App Scroll
A “polter-ghost” is someone who schedules and then bails on dates, typically with their dating app matches, often off platforms like Bumble and Hinge.
You might be wondering: why plan a date if you’re not going to show up in the first place? Oftentimes, the person doesn’t intend to hurt or ghost their matches. However, for some reason, they either chicken out or don’t have the decency to explain that they’re no longer interested.
“A polter-ghost’s energy reflects more on them than it does on you, so it’s important to remember that,” said Dr. Caroline West, sex and relationship expert and spokesperson for Bumble, via Stylist. “Whilst it’s hard to keep that mindset when it’s happening, focusing on yourself, with a little bit of salt over the shoulder, can keep the polter-ghosts away.”
Ghosting vs. Polter-Ghosting
As mentioned earlier, ghosting and polter-ghosting are similar but have their differences.
According to Psychology Today, “Ghosting is abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation. The concept most often refers to romantic relationships but can also describe disappearances from friendships and the workplace.”
Polter-ghosting, on the other hand, is simply not showing up to plans with someone, without letting them know in advance or even explaining afterwards.
How to Address a Polter-Ghoster
You want my advice on handling this type of dater? Don’t. Let them show you their true colors, lack of communication skills, and disrespect toward you, and leave them in the past.
“The important thing to remember: No one can make you feel low self-worth unless you allow it,” Psychology Today states. “Plus, it is totally fine to feel hurt. However, an extended period of crappy feelings may not be warranted, especially if the time spent with your ghoster was not extended. Instead, make time for self-care, eat right, sleep right, stay physically active, and see friends. If you need help, contact a therapist.
Additionally, if you’re already on a date when you realize you’re being polter-ghosted, take advantage of the opportunity you have in front of you.
“Chances are, you’re already dressed up and ready to have a good time by the time you realise you’ve been polter-ghosted,” West told Stylist. “Whether you’re at a bar, restaurant, or on an activity date, there’s nothing stopping you from enjoying yourself. If someone has played a trick on you, you deserve to give yourself a treat.”
The post Polter-Ghosts Are Taking Over Dating Apps appeared first on VICE.
