It seems we’re all trying to crack the dating code today—and many of us with little success. Looking to improve your dating techniques? Here are four common dating myths that might be holding you back from finding love.
1. If You Don’t Click Right Away, You Never Will
Many daters make the mistake of not giving a potential suitor a proper chance. After just one date with no spark, they assume they’ll never “get there” with that person and choose not to see them again. Unfortunately, following this dating rule might mean you miss out on real, genuine connections.
The truth is, it takes time to build safety, trust, and intimacy. While sure, you should at least be attracted to the person on a basic level, chemistry can grow with an emotional connection. Unless there are major red flags or incompatibilities, don’t give up so quickly.
Additionally, you can’t always trust your first impression of someone. On first dates, especially, people might be nervous, chatty, clumsy, or standoffish, simply because they get into their own heads. Once you truly know someone by allowing them time and space to show up authentically, you can get a better feel for whether they’re someone you’d like to pursue.
2. There’s Only One Person For You
I understand that the idea of having a “soulmate” is romantic and even comforting. Whenever a relationship doesn’t work out, we often fall back on the reassuring promise that “your person is out there!” However, to think there’s only one perfect, hand-picked individual for each person in this world? I can’t get behind it.
“Dating to find ‘The One’ is extremely limiting—and often leads to major disappointment,” wrote Esther Perel and Mary Alice Miller. “There is never going to be one perfect person whose love is so powerful that it checks every box, heals all our wounds, and makes us want to delete all the apps. And putting that pressure on a romantic connection, especially early on, can prevent a dalliance from developing into something more.
Initially, love might be a deep, involuntary feeling. But eventually, it becomes a conscious choice. Realistically, we can make it work with various people in this world. However, it’s who we commit to—the connection we nurture—that matters most.
3. Dating Should Lead to Marriage
It’s completely valid for marriage to be your end goal or intention when dating, especially if age is a factor. However, if a dating experience or relationship didn’t amount to long-term commitment, that doesn’t make it any less real.
I’ve always found comfort in the quote, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” I’ve loved and I’ve lost many times in my life. Now, at age 30, I realize that each of those people, be it an ex-boyfriend or even an old friend I no longer keep in touch with, served a deep and meaningful purpose in my life. Maybe we’ll cross paths again someday, and maybe we won’t—but I knew and appreciated who I had when I had them, and for that, I am grateful.
When you approach dating with that mindset, instead of approaching it with the desire or need to find your forever person, you will form more authentic, fated connections rather than forcing someone to fit the idea of your “soulmate.” This doesn’t mean you overlook incompatible life goals or timelines. Rather, you date with both intention and presence.
4. The More I Give, the More I’ll Get
I used to think that the more I sacrificed for another person, the more worthy of them and their effort I would become. However, this only ever led to me being taken for granted.
Does this mean you should stop giving altogether and become “unbothered” and “chill,” as the TikTok dating gurus recommend? In my opinion, absolutely not.
However, it does mean taking care of yourself first. Don’t center your life around another person, and don’t over-accommodate someone in hopes that they will choose you. You do not need to earn love—you just have to nurture it.
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