You’ve heard of the hopeless romantic, but what about the hopeful romantic? This type of person is both a realist and a dreamer, and their positive mindset typically serves them well in love. Here’s what you should know about becoming a hopeful romantic—and how it will serve you well in your love life.
What Is a Hopeful Romantic?
According to Adrienne L. Marshall, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, “A hopeful romantic is someone who is optimistic but also realistic about the prospect of finding love.”
A hopeful romantic believes in romance but also takes the more sensible approach. When it comes to spotting red flags or handling common relationship issues, they’re practical, observant, and grounded, all while maintaining their confidence and positive outlook.
“A person who can maintain hope despite evidence to the contrary is a powerful and inspirational being,” says Dr. Sarah Boss, a psychiatrist and Clinical Director at The Balance. “Hopeful romantics can often wear rose-tinted glasses without it destroying their optimism because they are willing to roll up their sleeves and work for what they believe in. But when it is time to let go of what cannot be, they will grieve, learn, and move on.”
Though hopeful romantics like to think positively about their dating endeavors, they aren’t blinded by their love or unwilling to have difficult conversations with their partners. In fact, that makes their love even more authentic.
“Hopeful, not hopeless, romantics are those we want by our sides in the trenches of life, love, and loss,” Boss says.
How to Shift From Hopeless to Hopeful Romantic
If you feel like more of a hopeless romantic than a hopeful one, you’re certainly not alone. However, if I’ve learned anything from today’s dating world, we need far more hopeful—yet not blindly optimistic—daters than hopeless, naive ones.
“Transforming into a hopeful romantic doesn’t fit the tiresome optimism mold that people suspect and distrust. Hopeful romantics end relationships,” says Boss. “They don’t idealize a partner’s potential to fill in the gaps; they practice articulating their needs. They don’t ignore red flags; they learn what’s severe and what’s the product of their own trauma history. They know how to guard and build the kind of trust that coexists with doubt—both are reactions to evidence.”
To become a hopeful romantic means accepting your vulnerabilities and understanding the risks of dating. Not every person can be “the one,” after all. As you date, pay attention to incompatibilities as much as you do to chemistry. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment. Unfortunately, real life is not a rom-com.
“Becoming a hopeful romantic involves deconstructing many of the tropes we’ve come to believe about love, becoming more self-aware and honest with ourselves about our own wants, needs, and non-negotiables in love, and remembering that loving another should never cast aside the love and self-respect that we have for ourselves,” says Marshall. “In love, romance provides us with the elements of fun and pleasure, but that doesn’t mean that we should neglect the need for health and safety in dating and relationships.”
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