Elisse and Jared Woods were halfway through their wedding dinner, surrounded by dozens of their closest loved ones and basking in the glow of newlywed life, when the bride decided it was time to disappear.
As their guests dined and chatted away and her husband checked on their dog of honor, Millie, Mrs. Woods, a 31-year-old virtual wedding planner in Denver, quietly walked out of the reception and headed for a private cottage nearby. Alone in the bedroom, she spent 30 minutes curling her hair, touching up her makeup and taking a much-needed deep breath.
“Having that moment to remove myself from the situation allowed me to reset my social battery and my sanity,” said Mrs. Woods, who was married in July of last year in Maine. She said she had felt “pretty high stress and anxiety” on her wedding day before stealing away at dinner.
A self-described introvert, Mrs. Woods is one of a growing number of Millennial and Gen Z brides and grooms who are carving out space during their wedding days to step away from the chaos all by themselves. As some brides have explained on TikTok and other platforms, this solo time — which can be used to rest, meditate, read or even nap — is often prebuilt into the schedule by the couple or their wedding planner to prevent any anxiety and overstimulation that could mar an otherwise happy occasion.
“A lot of brides feel like they’re performing all day; it’s the one time when you’re a celebrity and everyone wants to talk to you, and you have to give a little piece of yourself to them all,” said Myka Meier, an etiquette expert in New York who consults on weddings. “For people who are especially introverted, taking a break can be empowering and energizing.”
Justine Carino, a psychotherapist in White Plains, N.Y., said that these breaks helped to regulate the nervous system for anxious or overwhelmed individuals. “For these people, having so much attention on them can feel like a threat to their brain,” Ms. Carino said. “Their fight, flight or freeze response is going off, but it’s their wedding, so they can’t freeze or flee. That’s why alone time is so important.”
Feeling overwhelmed on one’s wedding day is certainly not exclusive to younger brides. But while fears of disappointing guests may have stopped their parents from taking action, this new generation of newlyweds tends to prioritize their mental health over all else — and are not shy about making sure these needs are met.
On TikTok, you can find numerous videos of brides discussing how they unapologetically fit anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour’s worth of solitude into their wedding schedules, inspiring currently unmarried viewers to consider similar demands.
“They’re like, ‘Wait a second, I can do that? I can take a moment to have some alone time and do some emotional hacks throughout the wedding day?’” said Esther Lee, the deputy editor of the Knot, a wedding planning website.
In a recent survey posed by the wedding planning website Zola on Instagram, 76 percent of the more than 500 respondents said they expected to take a quiet moment for themselves at some point during their wedding day.
For those experiencing intense stress, this time may be best used by practicing mindfulness and deep breathing techniques that “are proven to calm the nervous system,” Ms. Carino said. Brides and grooms who simply crave a timeout from the action might benefit from listening to a relaxing playlist or journaling about their wedding experience.
“They can sit quietly and write about how they’re thinking and feeling in that moment,” Ms. Carino suggested. (All of these practices would be enhanced with a few therapy sessions leading up to the wedding to help the individual mentally prepare for the day’s chaos, she added.)
Going into her own wedding weekend, Mrs. Woods was certain she wanted to avoid “the pressure cooker of nerves and anxiety” she sometimes saw her own clients experience during their nuptials. She factored several quiet moments into her timeline, including a solo pre-ceremony breakfast and private vows with Mr. Woods, also 31, and the chief creative officer at Parivas Watches. The couple even created a safe word to say if either of them felt unexpectedly overwhelmed during the reception. To both of their surprise, it was the groom who ended up using the safe word, skipping his prepared welcome remarks for a few minutes of decompression. “Public speaking has always made me anxious, and I had hoped this day would be different,” Mr. Woods said. Knowing he had a “mental ‘pause button,’” he added, “gave me peace and helped me savor every fleeting moment.”
None of the couple’s getaways caused a stir with their guests, Mrs. Woods said. “I don’t know if they even noticed we stepped away.”
That subtlety is key to a successful escape, according to wedding experts. “If you’re planning to take some time for yourself, make sure everyone’s busy,” Ms. Meier said. She suggests sneaking away when guests are getting seating assignments or taking pictures in a photo booth. Waverly Coleman, an event and wedding planner in Los Angeles, also recommends fitting in a quick break immediately post-ceremony or during any outfit changes.
Even if the wedding day itself is too jam-packed to pause, finding moments of solitude during the lead-up to the main event can still be beneficial. Ash Hoyt, a 32-year-old assistant director for the office of student and community relations at the University of Vermont, credits the solo hike and riverside meditation she took the day before her nuptials with enhancing her later enjoyment.
“I’m not someone who wants to be with people all the time, so it was really important to me to make time for myself,” said Ms. Hoyt, who married Arlo Matz, 31, in Vermont last June. That earlier solitude, she added, allowed her to “take in the intimacy” of the actual wedding and feel more present around the couple’s guests.
No matter when the downtime occurs, wedding planners can help ensure a bride or groom’s disappearance doesn’t disrupt the flow of the events. “If a naturally introverted client tells me during the planning process that a large crowd will be too much for them, I’ll build that into the timeline so that they’re comfortable,” Ms. Coleman said.
Brides without planners can instead rely on close family members or friends to help coordinate their short-term absence, especially if any guests express confusion or concern. “That way, someone else can say, ‘Don’t worry, she’ll be right back, she’s just taking a few minutes to soak in the day,’” Ms. Meier said.
Even if those words don’t appease every guest, the peace of mind gained by not overextending oneself is typically worth a few grumbles.
“Your wedding is about prioritizing yourself. We can put these steps and precautions and plans in place to create a day that you’re comfortable with,” Ms. Woods said. “You don’t have to be miserable.”
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