Our 6-year-old birthday-party guests and their parents will arrive in 15 minutes (plus that one family who always shows up early and asks, “What can we do to help?” For starters, please don’t come early.)
I’m in the kitchen digging through drawers for birthday candles. From another room, I hear one of my sons yell, “Uh-oh! Mom!”
Ice — I remember we still need more ice. Always more ice. My helpful husband is out in the driveway doing something with the leaf blower. Always something with the leaf blower.
No matter how much I plan, in the frenzied minutes before any birthday party, holiday gathering, or backyard barbecue, I end up the same: Overwhelmed, irritated, and for some reason, sweaty.
Instead of looking forward to seeing everyone, I wish we had never invited anyone over in the first place.
Did I actually hate entertaining? Or did I just need more help?
Hiring a ‘party helper’ shifted my mindset around entertaining
Hosting a house full of friends and family, laughing and connecting, is one of my husband’s and my greatest joys. I know people are coming to see us and not our “perfect” house, so I shouldn’t stress.
However, it’s hard to relax when guests are arriving, and I don’t even have pants on yet.
That’s when Chloe comes through the front door. “I’m here! I brought the ice, and I got birthday candles, just in case.” Her presence soothes my nerves immediately.
Hiring Chloe to be our “party helper” has completely changed how I feel about entertaining.
As a proud introvert, anything involving lots of people is a challenge for me. I always wanted to support my extrovert husband in hosting the parties and family gatherings he loves to throw, but I always ended up feeling anxious, scattered, and, honestly, resentful.
It turns out that having a party helper is just the extra support I needed to feel calmer and more prepared for hosting.
Chloe is one of our babysitters for our two boys, ages 7 and 10. She has been working with our family for years, since she was a junior in high school. When we’re planning a party, before I send a single invitation text, I make sure Chloe is available.
I text her: “Hi! Can you be our party helper next Saturday? We’re having 25 guests, kids and parents. Can you help set up at 10 a.m., help during the party, and help with cleanup until 3 p.m.?”
We first hired Chloe on party days to keep our boys occupied while my husband and I tackled our prep tasks. If they were settled and she had extra time, she’d help blow up balloons or put together party-favor bags.
Those little assists were so helpful that for our next big event, we asked her to be a dedicated party helper instead of a babysitter. We kept the boys busy with a few shows (thanks, “Bluey”!) so she was free to focus on our party punch list.
We knew this swap would help parties run more smoothly, but we discovered many more benefits that I didn’t expect.
It’s also been nice to have a neutral third party involved in the planning and setup
One of the best surprises of our new arrangement was how the party helper (often Chloe, but sometimes other babysitters of ours) became a buffer between my husband and me on party days.
Exhibit A: The ice. Isn’t it always the ice? I thought he was getting it; he thought I was. Instead of blaming each other, I text Chloe to pick up a few bags before she gets to our house.
No harm, no foul — and I can let my husband focus on his leaf-blowing duties, whatever those are, without gritting my teeth. (He’s a fantastic party-throwing partner, but when my entertaining anxiety flares up, my feelings are less than friendly. Especially toward the leaf blower.)
With Chloe on our team, my husband and I don’t have to rely on each other for every single thing. Chloe is with us to catch the balls that drop, so we’re much less crabby and more able to show up as the relaxed hosts we want to be.
All in all, this has been an investment in my enjoyment of entertaining
Since we’re paying our party helpers for their time, I don’t feel bad asking them to do things like wash the pans in the sink, hang decorations, or take the dog on a walk to calm him down before guests arrive.
Friends and relatives can be good helpers, but this arrangement has clearer boundaries and expectations, and it works.
It’s helped me actually feel calm before and during parties, which was a foreign sensation at first. But when I knew our helper had things covered, I could focus on visiting with people, checking in with my boys and husband, and just enjoying the event.
Having “help” around the house is not something we’ve always been able to afford, so I’m very grateful we can do that now, and I’m still mindful of the cost.
We pay our party helpers the same as our babysitters (again, they’re usually the same people). Here in the Midwest, that’s about $15 per hour.
Help for a five-hour party comes to $75. That’s less than the cost of two pedicures. I’d happily give up a couple of pedis to buy peace of mind and marital harmony.
Although my heart rate still rises in the final moments before guests arrive, these days I truly look forward to entertaining. It turns out that hosting wasn’t what stressed me out. It was trying to do too much with too little time and support.
A party helper was the key to enjoying our own gatherings again — and to finally having enough ice.
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