Parenting expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy says the crushing self-doubt many mothers carry isn’t just a side effect of modern parenting—it is a learned mindset that can be unlearned.
In her appearance on Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast this week, Dr. Becky, as she is best known on social media, spoke candidly about “mom guilt,” describing it not as a moral failing but as a signal—one that can guide us toward healthier patterns if we listen to it differently.
“Guilt is often our brain’s way of telling us we’ve violated our own values,” Dr. Becky said. “But, sometimes, it’s actually just telling us we’ve violated someone else’s expectation of us, and those aren’t the same thing.”
Dr. Becky, who is also the founder of Good Inside, a global parenting and mental-health platform, said that, in today’s world—where parenting is more public than ever—many mothers feel they are constantly on trial.
Social-media feeds fuel comparison, while cultural narratives set impossible benchmarks for what a “good mother” should be. The result is a constant hum of self-criticism, even when mothers are doing just fine.
“If we can pause and ask ourselves, ‘Is this guilt coming from my values or someone else’s?’ We can start to reframe it,” Dr. Becky told Shetty. “When it’s about my values, guilt can lead to meaningful change. When it’s about someone else’s, it’s just noise.”
Christina Muller is a licensed workplace mental health expert with postgraduate training in maternal mental health. She told Newsweek that Dr. Becky’s distinction is crucial.
“As a workplace mental health expert and a mother, I’ve seen ‘mom guilt’ firsthand,” Muller said. “While it’s easy to label it that way, what’s often happening is the clash between societal standards and the reality of mothering in an increasingly disconnected yet hyperconnected world.”
Muller added that much of the emotional confusion comes from valuing performance over quality.
“Whether you work at home or outside of it, moments of connection can still happen and leave a lasting impact,” Muller said. “We’re juggling more balls than ever, but the one we never let drop is what matters most.”
Both Dr. Becky and Muller point to decades of attachment research showing that children thrive with what is known as “good enough” parenting—a caregiver who is present, attuned and responsive most of the time, rather than perfectly so.
“We don’t demand perfection in other areas of life, yet we often expect it from mothers,” Muller said. “You can have it all, but not all in the same place—and we should be talking about that more.”
From a clinical perspective, Muller added that persistent mom guilt is often tied to perfectionistic traits and what she calls “performance-over-presence thinking”—measuring yourself by how much you do rather than the quality of your presence.
Healthy self-reflection, she said, comes from curiosity rather than judgment, and from asking: “How can I be present right now?”
Muller recommended evidence-based strategies such as countering all-or-nothing thinking, taking value-based action and creating small, consistent moments of child-led connection.
“Invite your child to take the lead on an activity, and let them choose any topic to talk about without interruption,” Muller said.
Research shows that these moments build autonomy, strengthen the parent-child bond, and advance long-term emotional regulation, she added.
Muller urged mothers to view self-care as essential to parenting well. “If you keep investing in your children over time, you’ll see the long-term returns,” she said. “And, just as in finance, take some of those dividends and reinvest in yourself.”
The post The Psychology Behind ‘Mom Guilt’—And How To Let It Go appeared first on Newsweek.
