I’ve recently become friends with a woman who is an evangelical Christian. I am not religious myself but have studied Buddhism for a time and hold firmly that one should not overtly try to convert others into believing the same things I do. My friend and I both have daughters the same age, as well as younger sons. Our kids enjoy spending time together and benefit from one another’s companionship. My dilemma is that this friend often socially extends invitations to us that are religious in nature. For example, she recently invited my daughter to join her daughter for Bible study. She has sent invites for us to send our kids to the Christian camps where her children attend camp.
Although I see these invites as well-meaning, they make me deeply uncomfortable, especially because I don’t understand the intention. I have mentioned to her casually that we don’t attend religious services or church. Yet despite this, we still receive invites to their church events. Given that I have a strong personal feeling against trying to convert others to any belief, should I say something to her? — Name Withheld
From the Ethicist:
Christianity became a world religion by spreading the Gospel — a word that comes from Old English for “good news.” The term “evangelical” itself goes back to the Greek for “bringing a good message.” So your friend, in wanting to share her faith, is following a tradition that’s central to Christian history and belief.
Still, in a tolerant, pluralistic society, people will inevitably disagree about what counts as good news. And she knows you’re not a churchgoer. Part of what keeps the peace is recognizing that convictions about the ultimate questions don’t have to be shared and that not everyone wishes to participate in religious life.
Your discomfort is reasonable. You have no interest in converting anyone, and it’s fair to expect the same restraint from others. If the invitations keep coming, you’re within bounds to be direct. You can tell her that you respect how important her faith is to her, and appreciate how well meant her invitations are, but that you and your family simply approach these things differently and aren’t interested in church activities. Reassure her that this isn’t about valuing her friendship or your children’s any less and that it doesn’t reflect any lack of enthusiasm for spending time together.
And if conversation drifts toward what you each believe — in a spirit of openness and curiosity — that’s fine too. At its best, friendship can absorb these differences and even grow stronger by having them out in the open, handled with candor and care.
Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.
Thank you for your patience while we verify access.
Already a subscriber? Log in.
Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
The post How Do I Tell My Religious Friend to Stop Inviting Us to Church? appeared first on New York Times.
