We all have our own non-negotiables when it comes to our romantic partners. However, some of us are more confident in our boundaries than others.
As someone who often over-accommodates and people-pleases like it’s her full-time job, I sometimes struggle with setting my own standards in relationships. You know, aside from the obvious “rules,” like no disrespect or cheating.
To further explore this concept, one Redditor asked the r/AskReddit community: “What are your ‘no-nos’ when it comes to dating?” Here’s what people shared.
1. Drug Use
While some people don’t mind occasional recreational drug and alcohol use, most people aren’t fond of dating people who abuse said substances—and for good reason. Even the occasional use of certain drugs can be detrimental to a person’s overall health, well-being, and relationships.
In responses to the Reddit prompt above, someone listed “drugs” (verbatim) as an immediate no-no.
“Worst relationship I was in,” they said.
“My ex was addicted to cocaine,” someone commented back on the thread. “That relationship suuuuucked.”
Of course, addiction is a disease. Anyone struggling with drugs deserves to heal and deserves a healthy love. However, being in a relationship during the initial recovery process isn’t always the best for either party.
Additionally, alcohol can be just as dangerous as, albeit more normalized than, drugs.
“I don’t care if you drink, but don’t be an alcoholic,” one person wrote.
2. Contrarian Attitudes
You know those people who quite literally get off on arguing about every little thing? Yeah, unless they can get that under control, they usually don’t make the best partners.
“Contrarians, I just can’t do it,” one person wrote. “I tried, and it was exhausting. I’m not a debater, I will ‘oh, ok’ someone to death.”
Another responded with, “It took this Reddit comment to realize I dated a contrarian. I just didn’t know that was a thing. I looked it up and Jesus Christ, it described my ex to a T.”
We’ve all (unfortunately) been with someone like that. How’s that emotional damage from constantly defending yourself?
3. Pettiness
A petty partner is a problematic partner.
“People have accidents and bad days. It doesn’t warrant you getting to do something back to get even,” one person wrote. “And if you feel the need to keep scores so you can ‘save up,’ just go.”
Unfortunately, this behavior is not uncommon in the dating scene. In fact, some people even take pride in their toxicity.
“My brother dated someone like this,” the Redditor added. “It was a horror story hearing how she justified her behavior towards him.”
4. Poor Financial (and Emotional) Management
Dating someone who’s irresponsible with their money can lead to a ton of issues down the road.
One person replied to the Reddit post by saying that a no-no is “not being able to manage their finances or emotions.”
However, there’s a flip side to the coin, too.
“This is big and also….hard,” another Redditor responded to the finance comment. “I get so caught up in managing money and emotions that I forget to have fun and kinda need someone to help me keep my fun side alive, but they’re usually terrible at managing money and emotions.”
Is there a happy medium somewhere? Let’s hope so.
5. Shallowness
There’s no lonelier relationship than one with someone who only values your appearance. Shallow partners will rarely, if ever, meet your emotional needs.
As one Redditor said, a major turnoff is “if all they do is focus on my body, sexually, or if they only see the flaws. I’m already insecure enough, thank you.”
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