When something is “trending,” we often believe it’s for good reason. I mean, why else would it gain so much popularity? Why else would so many people be following suit?
But not everything “trendy” is worth pursuing. Have you heard about some of today’s dating trends, such as ghosting and situationship? Yeah, no, thank you.
Still, even some of the most well-intended concepts or dating advice can become toxic. For example, while someone might recommend you “date yourself” and “be single for a year,” (which is a beautiful concept at its core!), this could prevent some from actually opening their hearts to the opportunity for love and connection—even when it’s right in front of them.
How Dating Trends Are Sabotaging Your Chance at Love
As a dating trends writer, I strive to stay informed about the latest developments in modern dating. In researching this concept, however, I found a 2024 article on Psychology Today that called out the dangers of such trends. In her article, writer Emily Jamea, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC, a sex and relationship therapist based in Houston, Texas, shared her professional perspective on modern dating trends and their impact on love.
“Some trends, like ‘the ick,’ seem to me to encourage people—usually women—to deliberately look for things in potential partners—usually men—that turn them off,” she wrote. “These women might compile ‘ick’ lists that include innocuous things like doggy paddling in water, showing their ankles, or taking naps.”
You know, everyday normal things that every human should be able to do without being made fun of. And while the concept of an “ick” might be lighthearted (we’ve all joked about it), it can also be quite damaging to any gender.
Jamea also highlighted some other harmful dating trends that we’ve normalized in recent years. For example, she pointed out that going “boysober” or embracing a “celibacy era” might seem nice in theory. Still, when executed, it could prevent you from getting the things you truly desire.
In other words, you’re preemptively shutting down your own needs for love, connection, and sexual intimacy.
Why Are Dating Trends So Popular Today?
In my unprofessional yet seasoned opinion, I think we often pursue these trends to establish a form of control. After being hurt and let down over and over and over in dating, it can feel terrifying and even foolish to keep trying without some safety net.
And so, we impose these rules on ourselves, such as “stay single for a year after a breakup,” “keep a roster before committing to anyone,” or even “ghost them before they can let you down.” But are any of these trends getting us closer to the love we crave?
And in the case of the “ick,” I’ve learned this is just a protective measure for me. Any time I’m experiencing that repulsive feeling, I pause and realize the aversion isn’t to the person himself—but rather to the idea of becoming close to someone after being hurt.
“I argue that we must question whether current trends—from ‘the ick’ to cutting people off at the earliest signs of conflict—genuinely foster well-being or if they inadvertently push us further away from the connections we crave,” Jamea wrote in her article.
“Rather than seeing relationships as opportunities to discover new parts of ourselves, have we instead created a culture where the prospect of deep emotional and sexual connection is met with trepidation?”
The post Those Stupid Dating Trends Are Ruining Your Chance at Love appeared first on VICE.
