Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
The Hits Keep Coming
New footage of Jeffrey Epstein being questioned by the government in 2010 emerged this week — “and you’ll never guess whose name came up,” Josh Johnson said on Thursday. “Go ahead — guess.”
In the video, the multimillionaire financier and convicted sex offender is asked if he’d ever “socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18,” and responds by asserting his Fifth, Sixth and 14th Amendment rights.
“I’m going to put that down as a ‘yes,’” Johnson said.
“I’ll be honest, I’ve never heard anybody plead anything other than the Fifth before. But this guy’s so guilty, he’s calling out every amendment he can think of, like, ‘No, no, no, what’s the one with the women voting? Uh, 19th? Throw that in, too.’” — JOSH JOHNSON
“Wow. Not a great sign when the pedophile is being asked if you’re doing a pervert ride-along, and their response is, ‘I’d like to invoke the entire Constitution, the Magna Carta, the Napoleonic Code, and just to cover my bases, let’s throw in the entire Cheesecake Factory menu.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“So, we don’t know if he was doin’ the creepy crimin’, but we do have a cover-up. And just like the cover-up on his face, it is patchy, and there’s something really ugly under there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Jeffrey Epstein died back in 2019, but not since Tupac Shakur has a dead man dropped so many bangers.” — JOSH JOHNSON
The Punchiest Punchlines (The Trump Files Featuring Jeffrey Epstein Edition)
“According to a new report from The Wall Street Journal, Attorney General Pam Bondi told President Trump earlier this year that his name was in the Jeffrey Epstein files. Oh, he definitely already knew that. What other bombshells did you have for him, Pam? ‘Mr. President, did you know you’re in “Home Alone 2”?’” — SETH MEYERS
“I, for one, was shocked. What are you going to tell me next — that the pope is in the Catholic files? That a bear is on the cover of this month’s ‘Modern Woodspooper’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“They must be finding so many mentions of Trump they’re going to have to change the name to ‘The Trump Files, Featuring Jeffrey Epstein.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Well, at least Trump kept his promise to create more jobs, specifically jobs for F.B.I. agents to look for Trump’s name in the Epstein files.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yep, all people want to talk about is Epstein, and Trump doesn’t. It’s annoying. It’s like getting to sit down with Buzz Aldrin and him saying, ‘You can ask me anything except the moon.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“You can tell Trump’s nervous because he just replaced his Diet Coke button with a Xanax lever.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Trump hasn’t felt this panicked since he accidentally ate an Impossible Burger.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, Trump’s furious that this is all people can talk about. He was like, ‘This is supposed to be the summer I turned pretty.’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Fortune Feimster, the guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” played a game of “Couple or Siblings” on Thursday.
Also, Check This Out
Amy Sherald has canceled her upcoming solo show at the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery after learning that her painting of a transgender Statue of Liberty may be removed to avoid provoking President Trump.
The post For Late Night, Epstein-Trump Is the Comedy Gift That Keeps On Giving appeared first on New York Times.
