In the early stages of dating, when everything is lighthearted and fresh, it’s easy to miss the warning signs of a potentially unhealthy or problematic partner. I turned to Reddit to explore some of the commonly dismissed red flags in the dating scene and stumbled upon this post. Here are five of the most overlooked red flags to look out for when dating.
1. They Call Their Exes ‘Crazy’
We’ve all met someone who repeatedly claims that every one of their exes is “crazy.” This is the same person who refuses to look in the mirror and realize that they are the common denominator.
“I’ve literally just broken up with a woman who told me this right off the bat,” one person wrote on Reddit. “She was one of the most toxic, insufferable people I’ve ever come across. Luckily, she didn’t fuck up my life too badly. Never ignore this. It’s the reddest of red flags.”
“Formerly, all my exes were assholes, but I didn’t go on dates talking about what assholes they were,” another pointed out. “If it came up in dating, I talked about how I was treated, the work I’ve done to avoid these things happening to me again, etc. So it’s like yeah, I chose bad partners, but I made changes to my life.”
2. They Tell Minor Lies
A white lie here and there might not seem too serious, but they can certainly add up over time. If someone is comfortable lying to your face, that’s an indication of a deeper problem.
“Sounds simple, but I myself used to overlook this all the time till I finally learned,” one Redditor said. “If they’re lying about little shit, they’re lying about a lotta shit.”
“I just ended a brief relationship because of lies,” another replied. “He built himself up so very much, and I did sense some of it was untrue, but when I met him in person, 5’11 was 5’6, no car, and very old clothes. I could go on. The saying is very true: ‘If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.’”
3. Your Loved Ones Don’t Approve
Our loved ones usually know us best. If they don’t like your partner or the version of yourself you present, this should signal that something is wrong.
“They’re seeing something you can’t because you’re high on dopamine or something,” one person wrote. “If more than one of the people close to you doesn’t like them, you should listen.”
“Should have seen this as a sign,” another added. “My entire family hated my ex, I felt sympathetic and felt like the disagreements and arguments with her/my family were two-sided. No, she was just being a cunt. Now my family likes my new girlfriend, [which] makes me feel very confident about it.”
Of course, your opinion matters most when dating your partner, and family can oftentimes be hypercritical. Just be sure you’re trusting the views of those who genuinely have your best interests at heart and aren’t disapproving for shallow reasons or projections.
4. They Lack Empathy
Empathy from a partner is crucial. If someone can’t understand or at least be sensitive to your feelings, you’ll likely never feel emotionally safe with them.
Lack of empathy—people excuse it for ‘he/she is just reserved with their feelings’ or some bs excuse to cover up how evil they are,” one Redditor wrote.
Another pointed out a similar issue, which is when “they call you ‘too sensitive’ when you express hurt.”
5. They’re Always Giving Excuses
While excuses are valid at times, overusing them to fall short of expectations regularly can be a significant—and often overlooked—red flag.
“I think one that is often missed is when someone starts making ‘reasonable’ sounding excuses for why the relationship isn’t moving forward: work is tough, they don’t like labels, you’re rushing them too much, etc.,” one person wrote. “It’s clear you two are in different places, and the right thing to do is either give things a try your way or just break up. Playing the excuses game is just childish at best and emotionally abusive at worst. But so many people stick around to see if the person will change their mind.”
“I was going to mention something along this line,” another person added. “There’s always a reason why they can’t do something. Even if it’s a valid reason, there’s no real room to grow together if insert excuse here keeps happening.”
The post Dating Someone New? Don’t Ignore These 5 Potential Red Flags. appeared first on VICE.
