Have you ever had a particularly hard conversation or vulnerable evening with a loved one, only to wake up the next morning feeling ill and depleted? You might have experienced an emotional hangover, which packs similar symptoms to a normal hangover—but without the alcohol.
What Is An Emotional Hangover?
According to Mandy Lam, a licensed psychotherapist and founder of Mindful Roots Collective, an emotional hangover occurs “when an intense experience/event has passed, and you’re left with the aftermath of feeling emotionally/mentally/physically drained or depleted.”
“This applies to both positive (e.g., weddings, parties, traveling) and negative events (fight with a partner, difficult family gathering, setting a boundary with someone),” Lam explains. “Emotional hangovers can also be a result of oversharing or what’s called a ‘vulnerability hangover,’ and this can also lead to overthinking, rumination on how the other person might perceive you now.”
An emotional hangover might involve acts like replaying a conversation, ruminating about a specific situation, and spiraling with shame after an argument. Or, according to Lam, you might simply feel anxious, irritable, drained, and unmotivated.
The Psychology Behind an Emotional Hangover
An emotional hangover can occur for a variety of reasons, but the driving force is an intense or hypervigilant response to a trigger.
“They happen because your body was in an activated/heightened state, or possibly in a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response, and so when the event is over, the body needs some time to ‘catch up’ and realize that it doesn’t need to be in this state anymore, which leads to the emotional hangover because there was so much output from the event,” says Lam. “When we ruminate, we are also activating the body to stay in the heightened state, and this can cause even more exhaustion.”
According to Lam, you’re more likely to experience emotional hangovers if you delay processing your emotions, whether consciously or not.
“Another layer of this is that some people may not feel safe or are able to process what is happening in the moment until they are home, and that’s when the emotional hangover hits,” she says.
How to Cope With Emotional Hangovers
Emotional hangovers—like any kind of hangover—are certainly not a walk in the park. They can trigger physical symptoms like exhaustion and emotional ones like anxiety and irritability. That’s why it’s crucial to nurture your mind and body during and after a heavy event.
“Give yourself ample time and space after an event so you can process and take the time you need to recuperate—this can look like gentle movement, staying hydrated, journalling to sort out your thoughts, connecting with friends,” Lam recommends. “Take breaks during the event, whether it’s to use the restroom, or if you can step outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air, or even practicing grounding exercises such as deep breathing from the diaphragm; noticing your feet on the floor can help orient your body to a sense of safety and security.”
And, of course, reflect on any patterns that might arise. For example, do certain people in your life trigger this reaction from you? Do you experience emotional hangovers after every work event? Be honest with yourself about the context of these episodes.
“Keeping an eye on how often this happens and whether it keeps happening with a specific individual/situation,” says Lam. “This can be helpful information on whether something about the relationship or situation needs to change.”
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