There’s a toxic dating trend called “banksying” going around, and it says all we need to know about modern dating. Basically, it’s a selfish way of blindsiding a partner with a breakup to protect your own emotions.
Shocking.
In an era where we’re advised to put ourselves first and protect our own peace—which is great advice, in many cases!—some people are taking this notion too far. They’re disregarding everyone else and only looking out for themselves, often at the expense of their loved ones’ mental health and well-being.
That’s banksying in a nutshell.
What Is Banksying?
Apparently, this dating trend is named after Banksy, an anonymous British street artist and political activist known for his satirical works of art. Banksy’s art tends to pop up seemingly out of nowhere. The dating trend “banksying” refers to a similar phenomenon, but in a relationship context, where one partner blindsides the other with a sudden departure.
However, the banksy-er themselves often feel relieved, as they typically spend weeks or even months planning their departure and emotionally detaching themselves. Of course, their unsuspecting partners aren’t so lucky, often left confused by the lack of warning and cold-hearted breakup.
While this isn’t exactly a new dating trend, it’s one that occurs more often today.
“‘Banksying’ happens more now, especially with the proliferation of dating apps, where people have developed poor dating etiquette,” Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart,” told USA Today. “The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person, who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance.”
Signs to Look Out For
Unfortunately, banksying can be hard to spot, as the person carrying out the trend usually puts up a front to save face. They might act like everything is okay, showering you with affection and attention despite planning their escape.
However, there might be some subtle signs they’re pulling away from you. Humans are naturally intuitive creatures. We can pick up on minor shifts in energy and changes in behavior. For example, during the week leading up to a breakup, I could feel my partner pulling away. I even woke up in the middle of the night, panicked and sick to my stomach, though I had no reason to suspect something was wrong.
When I voiced the random bout of anxiety and feeling of distance, he reassured me we were on the same page and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. However, one week later, I woke up to the dreaded “we need to talk” text.
Even if your partner denies a change in their feelings, if you’re sensing something different, listen to your gut.
“They might not be using their words to tell you—but their actions are,” Chan told USA Today. “They might lie and say everything is ‘fine,’ but you also have to exert that you’re not ‘fine’ because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”
Don’t be like me, blindly trusting without listening to your inner wisdom. If you feel something is off, you have every right to question it. Our bodies often know before we do.
The post Introducing ‘Banksying’—the Latest Toxic Dating Trend appeared first on VICE.
