Joshua Harville
Millennial dads yearn to split parenting duties with their spouses and balance their jobs while still keeping their heads screwed on. However, the quest for 50/50 isn’t always easy.
As Business Insider’s Josie Cox wrote, millennial dads are trying to take a greater share of the responsibilities when it comes to parenting young kids. BI asked dads to weigh in on their experiences balancing childcare and work in an informal reader survey. In 48 hours, we received over two dozen responses from millennial dads across the country.
Many of the dads who replied said they were somewhat able to balance parenthood and their careers, with some weeks being tougher than others. A handful said they were drowning in responsibilities at work, home, or both, with a rarely balanced schedule.
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A 2016 Pew Research study found that dads were spending an average of eight hours a week on childcare, three times the amount of time spent in 1965.
Dads told us they wanted to change the perception of fathers and be more present at school events and recreational activities.
The flying trapeze act of parenting can be difficult. Here are some of the questions we asked and what the dads had to say.
What are your biggest challenges as a dad trying to “have it all”?
Nicholas Gilpin
“Trying to ‘have it all’ as a dad today often feels like spinning plates. I want to support my family financially, nurture a business I believe in, and be fully present with my kids, but doing all three well at once is nearly impossible without burning out. The hardest part is managing the guilt that comes with constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough.” — Nicholas Gilpin, 38, entrepreneur and stay-at-home dad of two in Fair Oaks, California.
“It’s a grind, and a balance, and a helping hand from our parents every once in a while. I don’t have ‘days off,’ everything is just part of my life like fluid momentum. Sometimes there’s turbulence and adjustments are needed (and grandparents), but that’s just nature — fit it in when you can get it in.” — Joshua Harville, 35, real estate agent and dad of one in Fort Worth, Texas.
Michael Schmutz
“Being able to perform at a high level for my clients while also being involved in my kids’ lives. I’m also a competitive bodybuilder, so I have to wake up early to train, have all my food prepped for the day, and then be ready to be a dad by 4 p.m. most days in order to stay involved with my kids and their activities.” — Michael Schmutz, 39, marketing consultant, CEO, and dad of four in Salt Lake City.
“Making sure I get to all of my kids’ events and appointments. This requires late nights and early mornings to make up the difference.” — Jason Schilling, 41, head of assurance services at a CPA Firm and dad of two in Minneapolis.
“I put my career on hold to better balance time with my children. I was a teacher for close to 10 years before the demands of both became too much, and I chose to find a job that allowed me to focus on my children as opposed to my students.” — Ben McChesney, 41, IT manager and dad of two, in Chicago.
What percentage of parenting responsibilities do you take care of vs. your partner?
“About 70—80% of the daily responsibilities, especially during the weekdays. My partner supports more in the evenings and on weekends when she’s not working.” — Gilpin
“I’d say around 35% (so far as she breastfed and gets up at night).” — Harville
“We split pretty evenly, I’d say I’m at 40%.” — Schmutz
“100% on me when I have my kids.” — Schilling, who splits custody time.
“I would say my wife and I split the responsibility between 65/35 and 55/45 in my wife’s favor. I do a lot of the household chores, but she plans everything as well as keeping up with the finances.” — McChesney
Do you feel like your employer gives you the flexibility to be the type of parent you want to be?
“I’m currently unemployed and building my own business, which gives me flexibility — but also means there’s no formal support, no paid time off, and a constant tension between working on the business and taking care of the kids.” — Gilpin, who spends around 60-70 hours a week with his kids.
Joshua Harville
“My employer doesn’t have a choice — I’m my employer.” — Harville, who says he spends at least 54 hours a week with his little one.
“Since I’m self-employed, it’s harder to balance. My clients can contact me at any time, and I have to be able to help them. Flexibility isn’t an option right now.” — Schmutz, who estimates he spends about 50-60 hours a week with his kids.
“I told my employer, ‘hey, I’m a dad first, I want to make sure I can go to my kids’ appointments and my kids’ games.’ I thankfully was the coach of my daughter’s basketball team this season.” — Schilling, who spends at least 25 hours with his 2 kids each week.
Ben McChesney
“Currently, yes, but when I worked as a public educator, it really felt like taking time away from work was frowned upon. This was doubly difficult for me because I tended to work in school districts in low socioeconomic areas in which my absence was difficult to accommodate due to limited qualified substitutes.” — McChesney, who spends around 40-50 hours a week with his kids.
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