Forget the survival kit and the satellite phone. Suppose I find myself on a deserted island. There is one thing I’d fight sharks and pirates to keep in my possession, one truly non-negotiable item that I consider essential to my sanity: my cherished supply of Aquaphor Healing Ointment. Just like Tom Hanks in Castaway with Wilson the volleyball, I would go utterly bonkers without my faithful tube of gooey goodness.
Aquaphor is an integral part of my beauty routine, from head to toe. As someone who has fallen victim to clever marketing tactics and eye-catching packaging, I’ve paid a pretty penny for false promises and results that fell short. I’m fully convinced there isn’t a single product on the beauty market that can measure up to the many ways Aquaphor can be utilized.
The best part for many diehard Aquaphor fans (myself included) is the price tag, with a regular-size tube ringing up at under eight bucks. Even a giant tub of it only costs around $21. How many other universally adored products can you think of with price points this low? Plus, you don’t need to make any special trips to pick it up—most pharmacies and grocery stores keep it in stock, and plenty of online retailers carry it, too.
Why the undying devotion? I have my mother to blame (and thank) for that.
A Diehard Fan Is Born
Early on, my mother instilled in me the importance of establishing a beauty regimen before I could properly pronounce the word “moisturize.” Aquaphor was her universal solution for everything. A scraped knee from falling off my scooter? Put Aquaphor on it. Minor collarbone burn from a curling iron? Put some Aquaphor on it. When I couldn’t curb the urge to stop overplucking my eyebrows or picking at blemishes? Put Aquaphor on it, Nealy.
This mantra led me to carry at least one container of Aquaphor at all times, though I have many more stashed throughout my life: a tube tucked into a pocket of every purse, a jar propped up on my bedside table, a super-sized tub hidden below my sink. If the apocalypse arrives, I plan to win the “softest skin” category during the zombie awards season.
A Solution for Everything
My morning routine starts with a light swipe of the special stuff on my lips, followed by a few strokes to make my lashes look fuller. At the same time, Aquaphor works its magic by soothing my under-eyes, but my skin is already glowing and hydrated from the night before, thanks to the thick layer I smoothly apply across my face before bed. My evenings include a relaxing time with my beloved drugstore jar as I remove my makeup with the product, gently rubbing it off with a warm washcloth, and then, as mentioned, coating my face before bed (I swear, I started doing this way before slugging got trendy).
If I want an effortlessly dewy look, I’ll dab some Aquaphor on the high points of my face or layer it beneath my blush and highlighter to create a “glow from within” effect. Throughout the day, coworkers spot me diligently applying the product to my cuticles or squeezing a dollop onto my finger to use as lip balm.
Aquaphor even comes in handy when my other products start to falter. If my favorite mascara is running low, I simply put a little product on the wand and work it back into the tube.
I think of Aquaphor as My Big Fat Greek Wedding‘s dad-prescribed universal Windex cure, or even Dr. Seuss’s mythical Thneed: the possibilities of this jelly are seemingly endless. I’ve used Aquaphor in every way imaginable—and it certainly is a part of my routine that cannot be replaced or forgotten, even by the most high-end product. The cycle never stops, and my love for Aquaphor won’t either.
Imagine a toddler torn from their favorite stuffed animal, a smoker who just dropped their last cigarette in a puddle, or a social media influencer watching their battery drop to a terrifying 1% at an inconsequential photo opportunity. This is how it feels to go anywhere without my Aquaphor on hand—it’s simply not an option. And, thanks to my unique approach to doomsday prepping and the near-bottomless backup supply I’ve accumulated at home, I’ll probably never have to.
Aquaphor Healing Ointment 3-Pack ($14, Shop Now)
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