My kids are home from college for the summer, and I immediately started treating them like children again. That was a mistake.

As the famous lyrics “school’s out for summer” play over and over in my head, that sense of elation has quickly been replaced by anxiety, worry, and even a touch of dread.

After months of my husband and I roaming a quiet house, the dynamic quickly changed when our two college kids returned home for their summer vacation.

Even before their first weekend home ended, I made a mistake that I promised not to do: I treated my college-aged kids like little children.

I struggled to change the way I saw my kids

As a parent, reverting to the traditional roles when the kids came home from college was easy. That routine is ingrained, a muscle memory rooted in the brain.

Growing up, my kids had structure, routine, and rules. We had routines, consequences, and a clear sense of expectations. I found myself falling right back into that mode — expecting them to ask permission to go out, feeling surprised when they slept until 11 a.m., and annoyed when they didn’t check in.

It’s surprisingly easy to revert to old habits when your children come home. But I had to remind myself that these aren’t little kids anymore. They’re young adults who’ve just spent months managing their own lives.

I had to rethink the way I parent

I needed to let go a little. The old curfews or checking Life360 to spy on their locations are not as necessary as five years ago.

We all need to evolve. Both small and large concessions are part of that journey.

In our house, we managed by having a daily check-in. Talking about the plan for the day, discussing who needed the car, and explaining when people anticipated being home helped manage expectations.

Adults respect the parameters and learn to work within them, I reminded myself.

My kids had to step up, too

While I had to change the way I parent my kids, they needed to expect less of me and do more on their own.

Leaving wet towels everywhere, putting empty milk cartons back in the fridge, or leaving dishes in the sink isn’t acceptable. Our house may be a place of rest, but it isn’t a hotel with maid service.

Chores aren’t about gold stars anymore; they’re about shared responsibility. If I cook, someone else does the dishes. If you finish the milk, you add it to the shopping list. It’s not a power play; it’s a family system.

We’re learning to adjust to the new normal

Summer vacation is meant to be enjoyable, a moment to recharge from the school year, and a time to reconnect as a family. As Phineas and Ferb sing, there are only 104 days of summer, and no one wants tension or bickering to ruin those few weeks of togetherness.

As a parent, I had to step back from that overbearing mothering persona and allow the young adults in front of me to thrive, just like they did at school for the past year.

They are no longer kids, and we all need to adapt to that situation.

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