The 2026-2027 NFL season officially kicked off on Wednesday night, with a Super Bowl rematch between the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots. To celebrate, Jimmy Fallon used the start of his monologue on Wednesday night to roast both teams.
To kick things off, the NBC host joked that, following the president’s insistence on renaming anything in America that has a name invoking another country — i.e. Lake Ontario and New Mexico — both teams would likely be facing a name change soon too.
“Yeah, tonight it was the New England Patriots versus the Seattle Seahawks, or as it’ll soon be called, the American Patriots versus the Seattle Americans, taking place in America Stadium,” Fallon quipped.
But from there, he turned his attention to the players themselves, using a common bit he does.
“Seahawks quarterback Sam Darnold said, ‘I can’t wait to defend our title this season. Go team.’ Then Alijah Vera-Tucker from the Patriots said, ‘Did somebody say goatee? Sorry, I thought you were talking about me. Anyway, we’re going to beat these punchable geeks.’” Fallon joked, as a photo of Vera-Tucker and his typical goatee appeared.
“Then Milton Williams from the Patriots said, ‘Did somebody say pinchable cheeks? Sorry, thought you’re talking about me,’” the host continued. “Anyway, I’m just gunning to hit. Then Darius Muasau from the Patriots said, ‘Did somebody say the gummy just hit?’ Anyway, I use the bench press to get uber-jacked.”
The bit continued to roast several more players on each team, until eventually, Fallon joked that Patriots safety Brenden Schooler said “we got this, rock and roll.”
“And finally, Patriots legend Rob Gronkowski said, ‘Did somebody say Gronk get ball?!’” he finished.
You can watch the full bit in the video above.
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