I’ve been a mom for nearly 20 years and am raising 6 kids. I still don’t feel like I have the hang of this.

Some mornings, I wake up and feel like I’m already behind. Someone can’t find their shoes, someone is fighting over who gets to sit in the front seat, and I’m pouring cereal into a cup because all the bowls are somehow in the dishwasher — again. And in the middle of the chaos, I catch myself thinking, “How am I still so bad at this?”

I’ve been a mom for nearly 20 years. I have six kids, ranging in age from a teenager down to a 1-year-old. I’ve homeschooled. I’ve worked. I’ve done it all with and without a support system. If experience came with a trophy, I’d probably have a shelf full of them. And yet, I still have days when I go to bed wondering if I was patient enough, present enough, or just enough.

Life doesn’t get easier, it gets different

I’m in what I call the messy middle of motherhood. During this time kids aren’t babies anymore, so people assume it must be easier. But it’s not. It’s just different.

The sleepless nights are traded for emotional exhaustion. You’re no longer chasing toddlers — you’re navigating curfews, attitudes, identity, and the constant tug-of-war between boundaries and independence.

Your kids you, but in ways that are harder to define. They need guidance, empathy, and snacks every 15 minutes. They need deep conversations late at night, even when you feel like you have nothing left. They need your strength when you’re running on fumes.

And the whole time, you’re expected to hold it all together with grace, with gratitude, and preferably without falling apart in the middle of the grocery store.

This is supposed to be hard

But here’s something I’m learning: Motherhood is only hard for the ones who are trying. If you didn’t care so much, it would be easy.

You wouldn’t overthink your decisions or question whether your child needs therapy or just a nap. You wouldn’t stay up worrying, praying, googling symptoms, or wondering if you’re doing any of it right.

That weight you’re carrying? That doubt? That relentless voice in your head wondering if you’re failing? It exists because you care.

And that matters more than we give ourselves credit for.

Because the truth is, there’s no such thing as a perfect mom. There’s just a present one. A mom who shows up. A mom who keeps trying. A mom who loves deeply, messes up often, and starts over again each morning.

I know I’m not alone

If you’re feeling stretched thin, emotionally worn down, or like you’re somehow still not doing enough — you’re not alone. Even moms with big families and years of experience can feel like they’re drowning in the demands of the everyday.

But here’s the good news: you’re not failing. You’re in the thick of it. You’re living out the most important (and often overlooked) part of motherhood, the in-between years. The not-so-cute, not-so-Instagramable, fiercely formative middle.

And one day, when the house is quieter and the shoes are where they’re supposed to be, you’ll look back and see that all your invisible work mattered. That even when it felt like too much, you were enough.

So if today was loud and messy and imperfect — same here. We’re not failing. We’re mothering. And that’s more than enough.

The post I’ve been a mom for nearly 20 years and am raising 6 kids. I still don’t feel like I have the hang of this. appeared first on Business Insider.