Have you ever told your partner you were “fine” even though you felt an internal rage so strong that it scared you? Or maybe you brushed off an inappropriate, disrespectful behavior merely because you didn’t want to seem like a “jealous” partner.
Well, contrary to what you might believe, suppressing your emotions will only lead to emotional leakage—and it’s not pretty.
What Is Emotional Leakage?
According to La Keita D. Carter, PsyD, LP, in her Psychology Today article, “Emotional leakage is the unconscious oozing out of emotions that we are trying to keep under wraps.”
In other words, emotional leakage occurs when we’re unwilling to fully experience the depth of our feelings. As much as we might try to conceal a certain emotion, like anger or jealousy, it’s still within us, waiting to be seen and validated. If you ignore it, it will still find a way out somehow, whether through passive-aggressive behaviors or even non-verbal body language.
“Our feelings can leak out in our facial expressions, tone, mannerisms, body language, etc.,” Carter said. “The tenseness in your shoulders (which pushes them up to your ears), the bouncing leg, the tapping foot, the bitten nails—these are signals that your unconscious is trying to get you help even when your conscious mind is trying to hold you together.”
Why Your Emotions Leak
In her Psychology Today article, Carter noted that emotional leakage might occur for a variety of reasons. For example, we might suppress our emotions because we fear being judged and ridiculed for them, especially if we grew up in a highly critical environment. Additionally, we might have learned that safety means keeping our mouths shut, grinning, and bearing it.
And, of course, there’s the way we’ve been socialized. Carter pointed out that many of us believe our feelings are “inappropriate” given our roles. For example, a woman “shouldn’t” feel taken for granted or resentful for doing all the chores around the house. A man “shouldn’t” cry when he’s upset. These damaging “rules” often fuel emotional leakage.
Additionally, we might simply not want to experience the depth of our emotions, as they can be painful. No one wants to feel rejected when they communicate their feelings, so we might choose to keep them in. On the other hand, we might avoid feeling our grief because, well, it’s excruciating at times. So, instead, we chose distractions, not realizing these emotions still live within us—and will find their way out somehow.
How to Address Emotional Leakage
Do you relate to the above sections? Trust me when I say you’re not alone. Here are four tips for addressing your emotional leakage.
1. Express your emotions
This can be through communication or even art. For example, if I feel I’m not ready to talk about an issue, I’ll write a poem about it first. Usually, I’ll end up feeling much lighter and more self-compassionate and self-aware afterward.
2. Practice emotional awareness
Many of us are so out of touch with ourselves that we don’t even know what we’re feeling to begin with. Maybe we weren’t taught emotional awareness or even self-regulation in childhood, or perhaps we’re so burnt out that we don’t have the energy to dig deeper. However, taking a moment to sit with yourself and name your emotions, along with the stories you’re telling yourself, can do wonders.
3. Reflect on the health and safety of your relationship
Sometimes, when you’re with the wrong partner for you, you end up suppressing your feelings out of fear. Will you be seen or labeled as “too much?” Do you feel your partner might leave? You deserve to feel safe in your relationship. This is not to play the blame game, but rather to encourage self-reflection.
4. Explore limiting beliefs
As mentioned earlier, your emotional leakage might be the result of suppressing emotions you’ve been told were “wrong” or “irrational” in the past. Maybe you grew up as the “sensitive” kid who always “took things too seriously.” Unpacking the root of these limiting beliefs is crucial to better managing and understanding your emotions.
The post Are You Emotionally ‘Leaking’ All Over Your Partner? appeared first on VICE.
