Courtesy of Kimanzi Constable
I got married for the first time the day after I turned 18. A year later, my first child was born; I was just 19 years old.
The next few years would bring two more children, along with the responsibilities and costs of raising a family in the US. My first wife and I worked multiple jobs and side hustles to pay for our family of five.
We were a middle-class family that prioritized our children and making sure they were fed, loved, and cared for.
We wanted to travel, but we didn’t because we figured that’s not what parents should do. We put our ambitions and desires on hold to take care of our responsibilities.
But now I’m no longer putting my dreams of early retirement on hold and instead chasing what I want — even if that means leaving people behind.
I felt shame for wanting to travel after my divorce
After 18 years of marriage, we got divorced and went in different directions.
My kids were finishing high school at that point and heading off to college. It was the first time in my life that I actively thought about where I wanted to live and what I wanted to do outside being a parent.
The thought of doing what I wanted instantly brought shame. Prioritizing myself made me feel as though I was doing something wrong.
Despite having mixed feelings, I traveled internationally a few years ago. I then entered into a relationship with the woman who would become my second wife, and we continued traveling, battling those feelings of shame.
We moved to Florida for a few years and also spent a few years living in Medellín, Colombia.
I set a new goal of wanting to retire early
Between my wife and me, we have six adult children and a few grandchildren. After doing our part as parents, we decided that we wanted to retire early.
As we considered the money we had saved and invested, the amount we were earning, and our everyday living expenses, it became clear that we would need to adjust our cost of living so that we could save more.
That’s when we realized living in America would not help us adjust our finances sufficiently to reach our goals, and additional factors, such as the cost of a medical emergency, could bankrupt us.
We decided to move to Thailand
I started attending therapy some years ago to work through childhood trauma and parent guilt. Therapy helped me see that I get to live my life as I see fit, wherever I choose.
I released the shame, guilt, and feeling of obligation that we, as parents and grandparents, have around the need to live closer to our family, or that we’re doing something wrong.
With that free mindset, my wife and I chose Thailand, where we can live well for less than $3,000 a month, still have access to Western conveniences, and work toward our financial freedom. We can also get affordable medical care and easily pay for it out-of-pocket.
So my wife, I, and two of our six children obtained five-year Destination Thailand Visas.
As we’ve left the US behind, I feel good about prioritizing my goals and desires. I don’t feel the stress and guilt of being away from our children and other family, and I don’t feel like a failure for prioritizing my goals and desires.
Our family will visit as we work on our goals in a way that feels good to us
We have permanently relocated out of the US and have no plans to return. I don’t feel any shame or guilt about that.
Our children are choosing to stay in the US; they’re making the best choice for them, and we’re making the best choice for us.
I believe self-prioritization is essential for me as a parent and a grandparent.
I wake up every day in Thailand feeling incredibly happy that we made the move. We’re saving over $10,000 a month and have a better quality of life.
Thailand is not on Mars, so there are plenty of opportunities for our children and other family members to visit us.
Having family visit us in Thailand while we’re living in a place that helps us achieve our goals feels healthy to me.
The post I moved from the US to Thailand, leaving most of my family behind. I don’t feel guilty for prioritizing my goals and desires. appeared first on Business Insider.
