Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Trump’s Sad Birthday
President Trump hosted a military parade in Washington on Saturday — either for the Army’s 250th anniversary or for his own birthday, depending on who you believed. The crowds seemed underwhelming.
On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel called it Trump’s “much-anticipated Stupid Sweet 16 disguised as a tribute to the U.S. Army he bone-spurred his way out of.”
“You know, after all his talk about how this wasn’t a birthday party for him, it kind of seemed like a birthday party for him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The White House is now claiming that over 250,000 people attended the parade. Yeah, it was an estimate, give or take 250,000.” — JIMMY FALLON
“This was less a show of overwhelming force and more like a military museum getting in its steps.” — JON STEWART
“It was boring. It was basically a $50 million version of when a 5-year-old shows you every car in his Hot Wheels collection.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You can be the president of the United States, you can have an entire political party and a global media apparatus at your disposal. You can cow the media and the wealthy into obedience. You can command an army and deploy troops and have unlimited wealth and power, but you still can’t force people to come to your [expletive] birthday party. And what is more American than that?” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Can You Hear Me Now Edition)
“The Trump Organization today unveiled plans for a new Trump mobile phone service. Best of all, you won’t have any need for a friends and family plan.” — SETH MEYERS
“That guy will do anything to try to get his father to answer his phone calls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, on Donald Trump Jr.’s introduction of Trump Mobile
“A lot of words come to mind when you think of Trump, but ‘mobile’ isn’t really one of them.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Trump was like, [imitating Trump] ‘It’s called Trump Mobile. But for short, I’m calling it T-Mobile.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Meanwhile, Boost Mobile heard and was like, ‘Hey, we’re no longer the worst wireless company.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“The new Trump phone is going to take some getting used to, though. If you think green texts are annoying, wait until you start seeing them in red.” — JIMMY FALLON
“It’s the perfect phone to call your friends and be like, ‘Yeah, I’m at the parade. There’s no one here.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“So if you’re keeping track, Trump sells hats, watches, cologne and now cellphones. Yeah, he’s one loopy airplane away from being every mall kiosk rolled into one.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
John Oliver took a look at juvenile incarceration in the United States on Sunday’s “Last Week Tonight.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Christine Baranski, one of the stars of “The Gilded Age,” will appear on “Late Night.”
Also, Check This Out
Ticket sales for “How to Train Your Dragon” exceeded expectations over the weekend, bringing in $83 million.
The post Late Night Thinks Trump’s Military Parade Was Kind of Dull appeared first on New York Times.
