When you’re dating someone for a long period or have a best friend dynamic with your partner, you might naturally feel inclined to tell them every minute detail of your day out of habit. If you’re someone who struggles with oversharing, perhaps you reveal every thought that pops into your head—even the unnecessary or irrational ones.
And then there are people like me, who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and feel the need to “confess” their thoughts to my partner. Otherwise, guilt will become all-consuming.
That begs the question: How much is too much to share in a relationship? Are there some thoughts you should just…keep to yourself?
Yes. Yes, there are. Here are a few of them.
1. Thoughts of attraction toward others
We’re all human. No matter how much you love your partner, you’re still probably going to find other people attractive—as will they.
That being said, you certainly don’t need to share that information with your partner. While some couples are comfortable enough with each other to harmlessly comment on the beauty of others outside the relationship, you should probably avoid any overtly sexual remarks. Your partner does not need to know that you find their friend or your coworker to be “hot.”
2. Constant updates about your day
Many people get into the habit of sharing constant updates with their partners throughout the day. They’ll let them know that they have a headache when they wake up, what they ate for lunch, how hectic work is, their workout plan for the day, etc. (It’s me. I’m one of those people.)
While it’s generally harmless to tell your partner small details about your day, going overboard can be overwhelming for them, especially if they’re busy.
3. Thoughts about an ex
While it’s completely valid and even insightful to speak with your current partner about your past dating experiences, doing so frequently can be damaging. If you catch yourself wondering about your ex-lover from time to time, don’t worry—that’s totally normal. We all get random thoughts about people from our past, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
However, just because you’re curious who your ex is dating now or how they’re doing in life doesn’t mean you should share that with your current partner. Don’t let your guilt convince you that you need to “confess” thoughts about your ex. Unless they’re getting in the way of forming or maintaining a genuine connection with your significant other, try not to let it eat at you.
4. Fleeting doubts
Contrary to what some people might say, experiencing doubts in your relationship is both common and even healthy at times. Questioning the rightness of your relationship or your compatibility with your partner helps ensure you’re on the same page. In fact, discussing some of your doubts can even be necessary to building a lasting connection.
However, those brief, fleeting doubts don’t always need to be mentioned to your partner. If you can work through them yourself, that’s likely a better choice.
5. Your family and friends’ opinions of your partner
While it’s nice to mention to your partner that your family and friends like them, sometimes, this simply isn’t the case. Whether it’s a highly critical mother or an overly concerned friend, some people might have opinions of your partner that don’t need to be shared. Unless it’s becoming an issue, it’s likely unnecessary to tell your significant other that your friends or family don’t like them.
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