If you’re a fan of Sabrina Carpenter, you’ve likely heard her new song “Manchild.” Unfortunately, many women are familiar with the concept behind this track.
The dreaded “manchild” basically describes a male who acts both immature and incompetent.
“A manchild acts more like a child as opposed to an individual his own age,” said Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, relationship expert at the dating app Hily. “In especially problematic scenarios, the manchild may be intentionally acting in an incompetent manner so as to evoke the need for their partner’s care.”
In other words, some of these men downplay their ability to care for themselves or their environments so others will do it for them.
Thankfully, Cohen outlined some ways to identify the “manchild” so you can avoid this toxic type of individual. She recommended asking your date the following three questions.
1. “How do you deal with tough moments?”
Life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but it’s often tough to understand how someone handles conflict until they’re actually experiencing it. That’s why so many people give the advice of waiting for your first fight with your partner before really claiming to know them.
Thankfully, by asking your date how they deal with tough moments, you can get a better understanding of their ability to cope with conflict.
“This question can actually give you a pretty good sense of how your match rolls when things get tricky,” said Dr. Cohen. “Do they have some solid coping strategies? Or do they just kind of wing it? Their answer can tell you a lot—like if they’re self-aware, whether they stick it out when things get rough, and how well they keep their cool (or not). Plus, it’s a handy way to see if they’ve got some emotional maturity going on.”
She also warns against choosing someone who bails when things get tough. Relationships are bound to experience rough patches. If your partner disappears or runs away during these moments, you’re likely dealing with a “manchild.”
2. “What does self-care mean to you?”
How someone cares for themselves will tell you a lot about their maturity, independence, and ability to show up in a relationship.
“Asking your match about [self-care] is a low-key way to see how they actually take care of themselves,” said Dr. Cohen. “You’ll get a sense of what they need, how they handle things, and maybe even how they deal with stress or think about mental health. It’s a pretty simple question, but it says a lot!”
3. “What are you most proud of? And how did you make it happen?”
This is a fun, seemingly lighthearted question, but it can shed a ton of light on your person’s priorities and ambition.
“This two-parter is a super easy way to get the lowdown on your match,” said Dr. Cohen. “You’ll hear about their big wins and how they handled any curveballs along the way.”
“It’s also a solid way to see if they can roll with the punches, chase after what they want, and actually put in the work to get there,” Dr. Cohen added. “Plus, it’s a great icebreaker—everyone likes talking about their proudest moments!”
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