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“What do you want your life to look like after college?” I asked my daughter shortly before she walked across the graduation stage.
Thanks to her AP classes and workload, she’s able to graduate from college in just three years, saving her at least $22,000. But that also means she’s entering the real world a year early, so I was curious about her plans.
We talked about where she wants to live, her travel plans, and her expenses with student loans.
She realized that she wants to focus on paying down debt, traveling, and becoming debt-free in two years. Once she was clear on her goals, my husband and I offered to let her move home after graduation.
To our surprise, she agreed. After adjusting to life at home without her, having another adult in the house will be a whole new adjustment. I’m anxious about the change.
That’s when we started talking about boundaries for her moving back home. We are a very democratic household, so we set boundaries, and she asked us for some things that were important to her.
My daughter set her own ground rules for moving back home
My daughter first requested that she have her own shelf in the refrigerator and the pantry so that she can meal prep and have her own food.
She also asked that I give her notice of family functions and not be upset if she can’t make it to everything.
If something needs to be done around the house, she wants us to let her know ahead of time so she can plan for it.
Those were all reasonable requests, so my husband and I agreed.
My husband and I have set boundaries, too
My list of requests and boundaries is a bit longer.
When it comes to cleaning, she must wash her dishes after cooking and empty the dishwasher. She also has to be responsible for her laundry.
We will give her money for groceries, but she is responsible for her grocery shopping, and she can’t expect us to make every meal. She is responsible for feeding herself.
My husband and I are not responsible for purchasing her clothes, shoes, or gas. But we will continue to pay for her insurance and phone.
For physical boundaries, I told her she cannot walk into my home office if the door is shut to ask me random questions. And if she wants to watch movies on a streaming service, it needs to be in her room, not in the family room where everyone congregates.
We also don’t expect her to check in and out with us, so she can come and go as she pleases. But if she’s not coming home, we ask her to let us know.
This will be an adjustment for the whole family
When I moved back home after college, I remember how hard it was to check in with my parents again after living on my own for four years. I’m trying to keep that top of mind throughout this process because it will be an adjustment process for all of us. The dynamic of our household will change with an adult child back in the house. I’m sure there will be plenty of frustrating moments for everyone.
I know she has her reservations about being home, and so do I, but I’m staying positive. I’m looking forward to building our relationship as adults and moving away from a parent-child relationship.
She’s been home for a few days, and she’s been good about talking to us if there are any issues around the boundaries we’ve set.
So far, this new living situation is working for us
Although I’ve gotten used to not seeing her regularly, I am excited for her to be back under our roof. I’m enjoying grabbing a glass of wine together and having late-night conversations like we used to when she lived at home.
I’m hoping that having clear boundaries will help us avoid as much conflict as possible. So far, it’s been working.
But I’m also looking forward to her moving on and finding her own place when the time comes. I’m excited for her and can’t wait to see what the future holds as our relationship changes.
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