Clashing money habits, not loading the dishwasher and thermostat wars, relationship tests come in many forms, but one thing that’s guaranteed to throw a spanner in the works is a baby.
Between sleepless nights, physical recovery and the emotional rollercoaster of early parenthood, many couples find their romantic connection taking a backseat.
According to Professor Emily Oster, founder and CEO of Parent Data, the impact of a baby on a relationship is both well-documented and often underestimated.
“A variety of studies find that marital happiness declines, on average, after having children,” she told Newsweek. This decline, Oster said, is the sharpest in the first year after the first child’s birth but gradually improves thereafter.
“It doesn’t return to baseline for decades, unfortunately,” she added.
So, what can couples do to safeguard their relationship through this enormous life transition? Oster recommended starting early—ideally, before there’s even a positive pregnancy test.
“Figure out how to work through disagreements effectively, work on communication skills [and] how to share household chores,” she said. “These are a good foundation for the changes that come when life gets busier and resources are more strained.”
If a baby is already on the way, there’s still plenty of time to build relationship resilience. Oster has three key strategies for couples to put into practice: Expect stress and conflict. “It’s always harder when this is a surprise,” she added.
Secondly, schedule regular relationship check-ins. Think of it like a weekly status update—not about the baby, but about you two. “[This is] always a good idea, but more important and should be more frequent in the period right after you have a baby when there are more things changing,” Oster said.
Lastly, carve out connection time. Even just 30 minutes of watching TV together can help you feel like a couple, not just co-parents.
One area many couples struggle with is intimacy, which often shifts dramatically post-baby—and it makes sense.
“People are tired, kids may be in your bed, and everything is busier,” Oster said.
Her advice? Ditch the idea that there’s a “normal” amount of sex. “If the sex frequency—whatever it is—is working for both partners, you’re good,” she said. And yes, it’s okay to schedule in sex. “Sometimes you need to plan it in order for it to happen, and that’s okay,” Oster added.
Ultimately, the most important mindset shift for long-term co-parenting success may be a simple one: remember you’re on the same team.
“It’s easy to see what you are doing and feel like you’re doing more,” Oster told Newsweek. “Taking a minute to recognize what they do—to really see it—is an important shift.”
The post How to Ensure Your Relationship Survives Having a Baby appeared first on Newsweek.
