We all feel insecure from time to time, but in a relationship, this can create a major disconnect between partners. Here are 10 reasons you might be feeling insecure in your relationship—and how to address them.
1. You’ve been betrayed in the past.
If you have a history of betrayal, it’s totally normal to experience flashbacks in a new relationship, causing you to feel insecure in your connection. However, projecting your past experiences onto your current partner can be damaging. Be honest and open with your partner about your feelings so you both can work toward a healthy, trusting foundation.
2. You don’t feel compatible with your partner.
No matter how confident you might be in yourself, if you don’t feel compatible with your partner, you might experience some levels of insecurity. For example, say your significant other has a passion for fitness and sports, while you wouldn’t be caught dead at an 8 a.m. fitness class. If they’re constantly pushing you to prioritize exercise and dieting while you’re a bit more lenient with your lifestyle, you might start to feel insecure that you share different values or hobbies.
3. You’re suffering from low self-esteem.
Oftentimes, our insecurities are a result of our own low self-esteem. This isn’t something to feel ashamed about; rather, it’s important to recognize the issue so you can address it with a professional. Many factors, from trauma to mental health disorders, can eat away at your confidence and sense of self-worth.
4. Your relationship is in a rut.
All relationships endure rough patches from time to time. If you’re feeling more insecure than usual, consider whether your connection with your partner is a bit misaligned at the moment. This doesn’t mean you need to break up, but it could indicate that there’s a disconnect that requires addressing. Especially if intimacy is currently on the back burner, it’s completely normal to feel insecure during these times.
5. You feel like you’re competing for your partner’s attention.
In a healthy, loving relationship, you should never feel like you’re competing for your partner. Your significant other should lift you up and consistently reassure you of their feelings for you. If they’re romantically entertaining other people, you’re bound to feel insecure. Don’t settle for that poor treatment.
6. You feel unappreciated.
From time to time, you might feel like your efforts in your relationship are going unnoticed. This can, in turn, lead to insecurity. If you’re constantly giving, giving, giving without getting much in return, it’s normal to lose a bit of confidence in your relationship. Don’t let this go on for long; communicate how you feel, as you deserve to feel appreciated.
7. You struggle with jealousy.
For whatever reason, be it a past trauma or just a prevalent personality trait, some people struggle with extreme jealousy. If this is you, and you’ve experienced it in every relationship you’ve been in, you’re likely to feel insecure, too. Underneath jealousy is a fear of not being good enough—an insecurity in and of itself. This is a great topic to explore in therapy.
8. You have a habit of comparing yourself to others.
Comparison goes hand in hand with jealousy. If you’re constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’ll never match up, you’re bound to fall into insecurity.
9. You fear abandonment.
Many people struggle with a fear of abandonment. Childhood wounds or anxious attachments can raise the stakes, making us feel less secure in ourselves and our relationships. Oftentimes, it helps to get to the core of your fear with a professional.
10. You’re not receiving enough reassurance in your relationship.
I hate to put all the blame on the other person, but sometimes, it really comes down to your partner’s actions. Whether your significant realizes it or not, they might be playing into your insecurity by failing to reassure you or even unintentionally putting you down.
Of course, if you’re feeling emotionally abused, manipulated, or overall poorly treated, this is a clear sign to get out immediately. Anyone would feel insecure in that type of toxic environment.
But if your partner is just oblivious to their lack of support, it might be worth a conversation.
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