Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘I Have How Many Children?’
The hosts got more monologue material on Wednesday from the presumed tensions between President Trump and Elon Musk, after the tech mogul and recently departed D.O.G.E. chief criticized Trump’s policy bill.
“Apparently, the ketamine has worn off,” Stephen Colbert said.
“That’s got to be a hell of a hangover. ‘[imitating Musk] Oh, my god. I spent $300 million to elect who? I have how many children? That can’t be their names.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I’m starting to worry that two narcissistic megalomaniacs with a total inability to see value in other humans might have a hard time making friends.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Musk was reportedly ‘butthurt’ — and yes, they did use that word, it is a quote — about some of the stuff that’s in the bill. Usually when Elon’s butt hurts, it’s because of all the drugs he is trying to smuggle through White House security.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I keep waiting to see Musk on a one-way SpaceX to El Salvador.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“‘I hear he is furious’ is the safest bet anyone could make when describing Donald Trump’s reaction to criticism. Let me know when someone says, ‘Insiders reporting that Donald Trump looking inward; reflecting on what role he may have played in turning his friend against him.’” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (The Fine Print Edition)
“I mean, congrats on coming out against a crazy thing in this bill, but you weren’t aware of what was in it? That’s your job! This isn’t book club — you can’t just read the first seven pages and then be like, ‘I love it. Linda, more rosé.’” — MICHAEL KOSTA, on Marjorie Taylor Greene’s admitting she hadn’t read Trump’s bill in full
“Does anyone in Congress read anything before they vote on it? Are we being governed via Apple user agreement?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“[imitating Apple user] Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, yeah, click ‘I agree.’ I just want to download ‘Baby Shark,’ come on. Hold on, wait a second, did I just defund Medicare? Whatever. [sings] Baby shark, do do.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“[imitating Representative Mike Flood] Hey, hey, hey, why are you guys booing me? I’m just telling you I didn’t do the bare minimum of my job. Feels like you should be applauding me for my honesty.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“But you’ve got to read these bills! It’s not like a 23andMe terms-of-service agreement, where you can just blindly sign it, and now there’s a clone of you who’s a sex slave for an Uzbek oligarch. Unlike that, these bills are important.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
The Bits Worth Watching
Louis Virtel, a writer for “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” shared a Pride Month message for attendees of the Hetero Awesome Festival in the latest installment of “Virtel It Like It is.”
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
The comedian Maria Bamford will appear on “After Midnight.”
Also, Check This Out
Nicole Kidman shared her five favorite places in Sydney, Australia, her hometown.
The post Stephen Colbert Wonders if Elon Musk’s Ketamine Has Worn Off appeared first on New York Times.
