Are you an extroverted person dating someone who needs their alone time—and lots of it, at that?
It’s not easy to date someone who has different social needs from you. However, there are ways to compromise and find value in this opposites-attract dynamic.
Here are five tips for dating an introvert—from an introvert herself.
1. Don’t expect your partner to attend every friend/family event.
As an introvert, my worst nightmare is dating someone who makes social plans for us every single weekend without my say. Sure, you might like having a booked and busy schedule filled with friends and family, but introverts often prefer to socialize in smaller doses/groups. If you expect your introverted partner to be at every gathering you’re invited to, this is a recipe for disaster.
Allow your partner to be their own person, and understand you might be attending some of those events without them. Let them have their alone time when they need it, and try your best not to take it personally. Their solitude allows them to be present when they are with you and your people.
2. Try to be part of their world, too.
In countless relationships, I have pushed myself to be a part of my significant other’s world while neglecting my own. Of course, this was on me for not voicing my needs or respecting my own boundaries. However, it’s easy for an extrovert to bring others into their lives, welcoming them into their friend group and taking them to countless social gatherings.
But many introverts’ worlds are a bit…well, smaller. Many of us have a few important people we hold dear to us, but we don’t always feel the need to constantly see or speak to them every day in order to maintain a friendship. Not to mention, a fulfilling Friday night might look like staying in, cooking dinner, and watching movies.
As the extroverted partner, find ways to immerse yourself in your introvert’s life as much as they do in yours. Maybe this means grabbing a drink with your partner and their two close friends, or perhaps it’s going for a walk through nature together on a Saturday morning. Relationships are all about sacrifice.
3. Support their hobbies/passions.
Many introverts have independent hobbies that allow them to be alone. For example, as an introvert, I love activities like reading, writing, and baking. I know, I know…I’m a cliche. But what can I say? I was born like this.
That being said, it’s always helpful when my partner supports these activities (and vice versa, of course!) If your introverted partner loves painting, consider purchasing some materials and setting up a space in your home where they can paint when they visit. Allowing them time and space to channel their creativity and passion will help them recharge and show them you care.
4. Understand your differences.
Just because you get your energy from other people doesn’t mean your partner operates the same way. As an introvert myself, I—for whatever reason—am typically drawn to more extroverted partners. That being said, it took me a while to realize that we get our energy from different sources. Extroverts tend to fill their social batteries by spending time with other people, while introverts do so by spending time alone.
Many of my extroverted partners would want me to be go, go, go at all times. Especially at the end of a long week, they’d want to spend most of their time with friends and family, attending events or concerts, going to bars and restaurants, etc., as a form of decompression. This would always throw me for a loop, as those activities only drained me more.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to go out and see my loved ones; I just needed my alone time beforehand (or after…or both). Sometimes, this meant I would hang back while my extroverted partner would go out with his friends. Other times, we’d spend one night in together and the next night out with our people. It’s all about balance.
5. Respect your Introvert partner for who they are.
Don’t try to change your partner. Rather, love and accept them as they are. If you don’t want to date an introvert and prefer someone more social, find someone else—but don’t go shaming your introverted significant other.
The post 5 Useful Tips for Dating an Introvert appeared first on VICE.
