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‘Double-Dipping’ Holidays
I oversee a team of five and have one Jewish employee who takes off Jewish holidays, like Passover and Yom Kippur. I treat those holidays like I treat the major Christian holidays everyone gets off: She can have the day off without using P.T.O. or sick days.
Our team often works irregular hours. As manager, I cover any issues that arise on holidays like Christmas and Good Friday, when our offices are closed for a long Easter weekend. Typically the workload is light, but this Christmas I spent several hours away from my family putting out an unforeseen fire.
Since my Jewish employee gets her religion’s holidays off, can I ask her to cover for the team on Christian holidays? On the one hand, she is the only member of her faith in our office, and we live in a part of the South without many other Jews, so I don’t want her to feel singled out. On the other hand, she is “double-dipping” on holidays, getting a long Easter weekend right after a long Passover weekend, for example. And — selfishly — it would be nice to log off and spend uninterrupted time with my family over Christmas and Easter.
So: If my Jewish employee takes off Passover, can I ask her to work on Easter weekend?
— Anonymous
Easter is already behind us, so I’m going to answer your question in a more general sense. Short version: Though you’re within your rights to ask your employee to work a Christian holiday, does that mean you should? No. (Presumably, these are companywide holidays; also, some of them, like Christmas, are national holidays.)
For one thing, she’ll definitely feel she’s being singled out. (That’s because she is.)
Second, you say, “As manager, I cover any issues that arise on holidays like Christmas and Good Friday.” This is as it should be. That is your job. Even if it takes you away from your family on Christmas, which, of course, is regrettable. And, I imagine, incredibly frustrating.
Speaking of frustration, I sense some irritation and resentment on your part, particularly when you accuse your employee of “double-dipping,” which makes it sound as if she’s doing something wrong by taking off religious holidays, some of which are central to her faith.
Too harsh? Not sympathetic enough? Let me rephrase. I think that giving your employee the opportunity to take off Jewish holidays, without using P.T.O. or sick days, is admirable and generous. But if you’re going to talk the talk, you have to also walk the walk and not penalize your employee for her faith or (silently) accuse her of doing something wrong.
Why Do Women in My Workplace Always Dislike Me?
I’ve encountered a recurring pattern in my career where specific interactions with female supervisors have escalated to termination. Whenever I have worked with women, bosses or colleagues, they tend to get irritated with me from the very first meeting. Not all women but some. Unfortunately, most of them have positions of power. They try to dominate me in ways that I never understand. I have been shouted at and frowned upon, and overall the workplace just becomes toxic. They fight like teenagers with me for little things and get really annoyed by me. I try to calm things down, but they don’t forget or let go until I am fired.
In my current position, I’m experiencing what appears to be a similar situation developing:
Following a company restructuring, I was placed under new management. With approval from both the C.E.O. and my new supervisor, I applied for an internal position left vacant by a departing process engineer. As part of this application process, I was assigned an engineering task to present.
During my presentation, my supervisor responded with what appeared to be disproportionate anger. The following day, she called me to her office and accused me of intentionally making fun of her during the meeting. The misunderstanding stemmed from my comment about the task’s complexity, which she interpreted as questioning her comprehension abilities.
Despite my prompt apology and clarification of my intent, tensions have escalated. Our interactions are now characterized by verbal confrontations during meetings, the absence of constructive one-on-one discussions about my role and what appears to be personally directed hostility.
After attempting to address this directly without resolution, I formally reported the situation to H.R. Based on my previous experience in a similar circumstance, I’m concerned about potential termination.
As someone with immigrant status (from a country for which the popular consensus among Western women is that men from that part of the world don’t respect women) who is already working below my qualification level, I’m particularly vulnerable in this situation.
I don’t know if it’s my racial background or something else that gets women in my workplace confrontational with me right from the start.
— Anonymous
There’s no doubt about it: Your workplace(s) is toxic. The question is, are your terminations the result of bad luck (and bosses) or more indicative of a dangerous and ongoing trend?
To be honest, I can’t tell on which side of the equation you fall. Though you seem able to relate your experiences with what you describe as difficult or penalizing managers, nowhere in your letter do I see any insight as to what role you might be playing in the recurring pattern of the loss of your jobs.
Instead, your focus appears to be directed at your managers — who, as you point out, are predominantly female. What do you think your problem might be?
Think on that for a second. And then consider the implications of making this all about gender. (“They fight like teenagers” sounds perilously close to an accusation that these managers are “mean girls.”)
It’s entirely possible that you’re both subject to an inordinate amount of irritation or anger from female managers — and that this is not because they’re female but because most of your managers happen to be women. Correlation does not equal causation.
So let’s take the “female” element out of it.
I don’t want to put this all on you. You may indeed be subject to unconscious or conscious bias from co-workers who are hostile to your place of origin or racial background. But why do your bosses keep getting mad at you? Is there some particular way you are behaving?
Try to get some feedback from human resources. (What did they say? This seems like an important detail.) Consider a career coach, if you can afford one. And, of course, put everything in writing. Sometimes having carefully documented details put in front of our faces allows us to see patterns more clearly or dispassionately.
I hope this works out for you.
Anna Holmes is the Work Friend columnist for The Times. She is a writer and editor and the founder of the website Jezebel.
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