Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Never Have I Ever
President Trump will soon return from his Middle East trip, and he already has big plans for June — specifically, the 14th.
On Thursday, Stephen Colbert remarked that Trump might be leaving “his autocratic buddies behind, but he’s going to bring a taste of dictatorship back home when he does, ’cause he’s throwing a military parade on his birthday, featuring 6,600 soldiers, 150 vehicles and 50 helicopters.”
“He wants overwhelming force, because this is more important than D-Day: It is his B-Day.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“It also happens to be the 250th anniversary of the founding of the U.S. Army, so to honor the troops, soldiers will be housed in a former government warehouse, where they will receive one hot meal a day and have been told, ‘Bring your sleeping bags.’ [imitating Trump] ‘It’s my birthday slumber party! OK, fellas, let’s play Never Have I Ever. I’ll start. Never have I ever served in the military.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And before you ask, yes, there will be costumes. Service members will be wearing period uniforms from the Revolutionary War to the present. Yes. It’ll be June in one of the most humid cities in America, and they’ll be dressing them in wool pants.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Wrong Man for the Job Edition)
“When asked yesterday if he would vaccinate his own children against the measles today, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said ‘Probably’ and then added, ‘I don’t think people should be taking medical advice from me.’ Yeah, not what you want to hear from the Secretary of Health and Human Services. That’s like if your pilot got on the P.A. and said, ‘We’re about to hit turbulence and I’d love some suggestions!’” — SETH MEYERS
“Well, guys, R.F.K. Jr. just testified before Congress, and he said, ‘I don’t think people should be taking medical advice from me.’ It’s ironic, because it’s actually some great medical advice.” — JIMMY FALLON
“It was crazy. For the first time all year, Democrats and Republicans both nodded in agreement. They’re like, ‘Yeah, we agree. We love that.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“‘Probably’? Measles is the most contagious virus known to man. In this century alone, the vaccine has prevented 60 million deaths. But, sure, ‘probably.’ And while we’re at it, let’s just change the warning labels on bleach to ‘Poison: Only give your kids a little.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Fallon surprised the graduating class of Fordham University with a performance by The Weeknd on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
As part of a performance at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles, Nadya Tolokonnikova, the founder of the feminist art collective Pussy Riot, will spend 11 days inside a replica of the Russian cell where she was imprisoned for nearly two years.
The post Stephen Colbert on the President’s Trumped-Up Birthday Plans appeared first on New York Times.
