Courtesy of Kachelle Pratcher
At 32, I’m not married, I don’t own a house, and I don’t have kids. I’m not sure when I will, and honestly, I’m not in a rush to do any of these things.
Right now, I’m in a season of putting myself first. After years of doing what I felt was expected of me, moving for jobs, working hard, and chasing goals that didn’t always feel like mine, I’ve slowed down. I’ve started listening to what I really want, not what I was taught to think I wanted.
I realized the timeline I’d set for myself wasn’t right for me
For much of my life, I thought I’d be married by now, maybe even have children. It’s what I saw growing up. My mother got married in her 30s. My grandparents also got married early and were together for over 50 years. I always saw that kind of love and family structure as familiar and admirable. But as I started building my own life, I realized that following that same timeline didn’t feel quite right for me.
In my mid-to-late 20s, I leaned more into my career. I moved to different cities. I entered management. I began making decisions that focused on my own goals, rather than my family’s expectations or the timeline I always felt was set by mainstream society about what I should have achieved by a certain age. That’s when my outlook started to change. I realized that for a long time, I had been living by a checklist I didn’t create. Now I don’t feel the need to chase anything just because someone else thinks I should.
Over time, I have grown more comfortable being on my own. I started traveling solo and learned how to be alone without feeling like something was missing. I wasn’t always this way. I was the person who needed to be around others, who didn’t want to eat alone or visit new places without company. The change has been freeing.
Living with my grandparents helped me slow down
One of the most meaningful things was when I moved back home with my grandparents in 2022. I had just started a new job in Chicago and planned to stay temporarily while I got back on my feet, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. Being home allowed me to slow down, reconnect, and experience a closeness I hadn’t had in years after living away for over a decade.
My grandmother passed seven months ago, and I’m grateful I was here. That time changed how I see everything. I embrace the time I have now and the moment I’m in. My grandfather and I still live together. We share stories, run errands, and just sit and talk. It’s a different kind of life than I imagined, but it feels full.
Family and friends ask questions, but I know it’s well-intentioned
There are still questions. Most of the time, it’s family, especially older relatives, who ask when I’ll “settle down” and make comments about me getting older. They’re usually blunt about it, saying things like, “You need to make sure you’re going out and dating so your husband can find you,” or asking, “When are we getting a grandbaby?”
Some friends bring it up, too, but it’s more casual. They ask who I’m dating, what’s going on in my love life, or if I’ve tried dating apps. I know most of it comes from a place of love, but I also know how to protect my peace. Sometimes I laugh it off or politely change the subject. Other times, I say clearly, “That’s not what I’m focused on right now.” It depends on the person, but either way, I don’t let those comments bother me.
My days look different now than they did in my mid-20s. Back then, I was glued to my laptop, chasing the next promotion, and constantly feeling like I had to prove myself. I rarely paused. Now, I start my mornings slowly, take care of my grandfather, go to Pilates, drive the luxury car I bought for myself, plan solo getaways, and find fulfillment in moments I once overlooked. After years of moving fast, I’ve found a pace that finally feels like mine.
I still want love and a home of my own. I may also want children one day. But I want those things when they fit into the life I’ve created, not because they’re a box I have to check off at a specific time.
This season of my life is not defined by what I lack. I don’t feel behind or incomplete. I feel grounded, patient, and open to what’s ahead. And for now, that’s more than enough.
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