Most of us know that dating isn’t easy—especially not today. Even in the most loving of relationships, lifestyle incompatibilities, contrasting timelines, or differences in morals and values can quickly spiral into uncertainty. No relationship is completely protected from external influences or internal pressures, but some individuals are better equipped for relationship challenges than others.
Are you looking to improve your resilience in dating? Here are four traits of someone who navigates difficult relationships with confidence, compassion, and ease.
1. They Can Tune Into Their Nervous System
While emotional regulation is important in relationships, it’s perhaps even more important to notice and admit when you’re not in an emotionally regulated state. We are only human, and we’re bound to get set off from time to time. Understanding the signs is crucial to protecting your relationship from angry outbursts or ruminating conversations.
“When folks begin to get dysregulated, healthy communication goes out the window, along with the ability to see things clearly,” says Lauran Daugherty Hahn, LMHC, Founder and Clinical Director of Mindful Living Counseling. “So it is very important for folks to know when they are regulated and when they are not, and to understand the difference in how they communicate and how they perceive the situation.”
2. They Can Pause and Regulate
Once they recognize that their nervous systems are heightened, individuals should know how to step back and regulate their emotions before continuing to engage.
“If folks understand that they are dysregulated, they need to be able to pause, take a step back, and practice their own self-regulation skills, whether that’s going for a run or doing some breathing,” says Hahn. “It’s important to be centered before attempting to communicate or make decisions about their relationship.”
3. They Know Their Values, Needs, and Priorities
Many of us understand what we “should” want or need from our partners, but have you taken a moment to reflect on your own unique priorities and values? A strong partner understands and respects themselves deeply and communicates their needs upfront.
“When it comes to relationships that have a difficult dynamic or uncertainty, it will be very important for individuals to know their own needs, wants, desires, priorities, and values,” says Hahn. “This clarity will be a beacon in the fog of uncertainty. This allows folks to ask the question, ‘Does this relationship align with what I actually want?’ which reinforces their own navigating power.”
4. They Have Their Own Back
Oftentimes, in relationships, we’re taught to be endlessly selfless and supportive of our significant others, but this can backfire into self-neglect. A resilient partner chooses themselves even when it’s uncertain—and even if that means walking away. While compromise is important in relationships, it should never come in the form of self-abandonment.
“If folks realize their situation no longer supports their vision of a relationship or their future, having their own back means knowing they will be okay if the relationship no longer aligns,” Hahn says. “Relationships happen for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, so there’s something valuable here to garner, even if this is not a forever situation.”
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