Courtesy of Maria Polansky.
Anyone who has lived with a romantic partner — or anyone else, for that matter — will know that finding a happy balance in domestic labor isn’t easy.
I’ll admit, it’s been a big source of frustration for me in many past living situations, from ex-partners to platonic roommates. I’ve often felt resentful for having to take on a greater share of household labor. In recent years my husband and I have finally found a solution for achieving a natural balance that works for us. We split the tasks and chores into two primary domains: cooking and cleaning.
It’s something that may seem too simple, or too good to be true. However, we’ve been doing it for a few years now, and it really alleviates the stress and tension many of my friends and coworkers seem to experience over household labor division.
We found a strategy that works
In the past, I’ve tried implementing itemized chore lists and weekly schedules, but they never seemed to work. I believe it’s because they always seem to contain at least one task that feels unappealing to the assignee, so they’re more likely to put it off or fully avoid it. With our current approach this isn’t an issue because we each take ownership of the tasks that we prefer.
I’m the clean freak of the relationship. I get annoyed when I see a sweater that isn’t folded properly, and if I see a stain or a mark on a countertop, I’ll want to wipe it off immediately. I clean on my own schedule, doing daily tidying and light cleaning as I see fit, as well as a weekly deeper clean. I also take care of laundry, trash, and recycling. It’s manageable and enjoyable for me, and our home always feels clean and tidy.
On the other side of our household spectrum, my husband holds the unofficial title of head chef. He likes experimenting in the kitchen, perfecting our staple recipes, and he genuinely enjoys grocery shopping. I feel relieved that meals and groceries are one less thing that I have to worry about, and his cooking is always delicious.
Since doing this, I’ve felt more relaxed and taken care of, and our relationship has become more peaceful.
We’re still flexible
We aren’t always completely rigid in our domains. I’ll make dinner if he’s feeling unwell or exhausted after a long day of work. He’ll whip out the cleaning sprays if he notices a messy or dirty area that needs immediate attention. But all in all, he can rely on me to keep our home clean, and I can rely on him to prepare our meals and keep the fridge stocked.
We also have a dog, who we generally split care tasks for depending on our schedules. One of us is always working from home, so whoever is with her during the day will take care of her food, exercise, and bathroom needs. Care tasks like baths, nail trims, and vet visits are generally alternated or done together.
It’s all about teamwork
This state of domestic bliss has come as a result of time alongside trial and error. We inevitably dealt with a learning curve as we got used to each other’s habits and preferences when we first started living together in 2019. My husband was working evenings at the time, so I cooked a lot more back then. I did feel an imbalance in earlier stages of our relationship, but thanks to honest communication and experimentation we’ve figured out a strategy that works for us.
At the end of the day, household labor is about teamwork. It becomes less of a chore when you find ways to make it enjoyable, and when you take each others’ strengths into account. Splitting it into domains is exactly how we’ve been able to achieve that.
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