Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
The Picture of Health
The results of President Trump’s annual physical exam described a man in “excellent health.”
“Of course he is,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday. “He eats right, he avoids unhealthy foods, diet soda. He manages stress, he doesn’t hang onto anger, he gets a good night’s sleep, he limits his time on social media, he spends lots of time with loved ones, and gets plenty of exercise getting in and out of that golf cart.”
“And he’s got a body like Brad Pitt to show it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
He “gave Trump a clean bill of health, saying, ‘his active lifestyle continues to contribute significantly to his well-being’ including his ‘frequent victories in golf events,’ adding, his well-being is also due to a cruel, indifferent universe where good, hardworking people are routinely diagnosed with terminal illnesses, but an objectively evil monster who only eats cheeseburgers and fried chicken lives forever. The world is chaos, there is no god, proven by his frequent victories in golf events.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Dr. Barbabella claims that Trump is 6-feet-3, which he is not. He weighs 224 pounds. Just for comparison, Green Bay Packers quarterback Jordan Love is 6-4, 219 pounds. Honestly, it’s difficult to tell them apart.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I’m going to say no to either of those numbers. I don’t want to be that guy, but he has a front butt.” — JON STEWART
“Maybe they just weighed Trump’s head.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28. Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Barbabella, good man and thorough, wrote: ‘I performed and supervised the comprehensive exam, which included diagnostic and laboratory testing, as well as consultations with 14 specialty consultants.’ ’Cause nothing says good health like your doctor saying, ‘I think you’re fine. I just need to consult with 14 specialty consultants.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Taking Space Edition)
“I’m not saying America’s becoming misogynist, but I will point out this morning six women tried to flee the planet.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Here’s a fun fact: It’s actually a NASA tradition to do a sexy mission photo shoot. We all remember Buzz Aldrin’s famous moon sessions.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I’m glad we’ve reached the point where hearing screaming from inside a space capsule is a good thing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
On Friday’s episode of “Real Time with Bill Maher,” the host cast himself as a centrist and recounted being charmed by Mr. Trump during his visit to the White House, far from the public eye.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The stand-up comedian Nimesh Patel will promote his new Netflix special, “Instant Karma,” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Rosie O’Donnell can see the good in her friend, the convicted killer Lyle Menendez, but Donald Trump, not so much.
The post Late Night Weighs In on Trump’s Perfect Physical appeared first on New York Times.
