We all have that one friend: You text her a question, and her response comes in the form of a two-minute voice note. Then, maybe you respond to her voice note with another text, and she leaves you another voice note in reply, and so on. My dearest Voice Note Friend’s name is Melissa, and when I started seeing more reporting on the nuances and potential benefits of voice note culture, I just had to ask her: Why does she like them so much?
“For me, it’s easier to send a voice note than to text,” Melissa tells me, via voice note, of course. “Text is more direct, more organized. When you use your literal voice, you allow your personality to come through.” She adds that she first started using voice notes one day when she had something to tell a friend that just felt too exciting to text. “My excitement effervesced over, and I couldn’t calm down enough to organize my thoughts and write it down, and I just had to talk,” she says. But she knew her friend was busy and couldn’t pick up the phone — thus, the beginning of Melissa’s voice note era, which continues to this day.
Among our friend group, the average voice note length is somewhere between one minute and three-and-a-half minutes. “But I have a couple of friends where there might be a six-to-nine-minute voice note exchange,” Melissa adds. “The beauty of the voice note lies in when you want to be on the phone but you just can’t … for whatever life reasons.” Maybe you’re at work or surrounded by your screaming children and know you can’t manage an actual phone call or FaceTime, but you can still get “the satisfaction of checking in and the full pleasure of your friend’s voice and their reaction and their laughter,” Melissa adds. “It’s way better than an ‘lol.’”
Melissa and I are older millennials, but the data shows it’s our younger counterparts — Gen Z and younger millennials — who are the ones leading the way in voice note communications. Research by Uswitch last year showed that nearly a quarter of 18- to 34-year-olds never pick up phone calls, and 37% of them prefer voice messages over a traditional conversation. Similarly, a Vox survey found that 62% of Americans have sent a voice note, with 43% of 18- to 29-year-olds using the tool at least weekly.
Claudia Giolitti-Wright is a psychotherapist and relationship expert who specializes in working with Gen Z and millennial clients, including individuals navigating modern communication dynamics. Her clinical experience backs up these surveys’ findings. “Gen Z and younger millennials are at the forefront of voice note usage, largely because they prioritize more dynamic, authentic forms of digital communication,” Giolitti-Wright tells Yahoo Life. “Gen Z grew up with video- and voice-based platforms like Snapchat, TikTok and Discord, making voice notes a natural extension of their preferred communication style. They value efficiency, nuance and emotional tone in conversations — something that text alone often lacks.”
How voice notes keep us connected
Jillian Amodio is a therapist and psychology professor who explores the pros and cons of text messages vs. voice notes with her students in a unit on effective communication as a transferable skill. “While text messages are highly convenient forms of communication and can be used to easily keep in touch, it is often hard to understand tone, intent and meaning,” she tells Yahoo Life.
Voice notes, on the other hand, are a way around this — and are much easier to interpret. They allow us to more clearly notice inflection and “can also help you feel a deeper, more personal connection to the individual you’re communicating with,” Amodio adds.
“People love voice notes because they add a layer of intimacy … that text messages can’t always convey,” agrees Giolitti-Wright. “Laughter and even pauses make conversations feel more personal. They also allow for stream-of-consciousness storytelling, which can feel more natural than typing.”
Voice notes also function as a middle ground between texting and phone calls, allowing for deeper connection without the commitment of a live conversation. You can feel you’re giving and receiving warmth and emotional support, but on your own schedule. “Psychologically, hearing a friend’s voice can create a sense of presence and closeness, even when physically apart,” Giolitti-Wright notes.
Sending voice notes also utilizes different parts of the brain compared to text. “Our limbic system — the section of our brain tied to memories and emotions — responds much stronger when we hear a familiar voice as compared to reading a message,” clinical social worker Nick Borges tells Yahoo Life. “That’s why voice notes can feel more intimate.”
Another plus is that the recipient can control when, where and how they receive a voice note, unlike a traditional phone call. “For people with social anxiety, voice notes actually lower the pressure of a live conversation,” Borges explains.
Where they may fall short
As with any communication medium, there can be some downsides to voice notes. One might be the length of time needed to listen to one in its entirety. “It can be too long,” therapist Leanna Stockard tells Yahoo Life. “It’s not as simple as just ‘skimming’ the voice note,” like you can with a text, she adds. Even my pal Melissa had a conflict with a friend who told her he wasn’t going to listen to even her shortest voice notes. “And I was sending him one-minute-long messages!” she laughs.
Some people prefer texting, or just get overwhelmed by voice notes. Texting is easy to edit and polish; voice notes are a more raw, stream-of-consciousness-style way of communicating. It’s a level of “authenticity that can feel uncomfortable for some,” says Stockard.
Borges agrees that “voice notes can have a negative effect on some individuals.” Unlike texts, which can be read and referenced quickly and easily, “voice notes need undivided attention or focus to understand,” he says. “This can be particularly unpleasant for people who struggle with ADHD.”
The golden rules for voice note etiquette
Want to avoid stressing out your friends via your voice notes? Follow these five best practices.
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Be mindful of length. Keep it short! A minute is a great amount of time to talk — unless you’ve already gotten into a habit of longer voice note exchanges on both sides with that particular friend. “Long voice notes,” Borges warns, can “sound more like monologues than actual dialogues.”
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Consider the listener. Are you sending a voice note to a 9-to-5-er friend mid-morning on a Wednesday? Do they have kids they’re likely chasing through dinner, bathtime and bedtime? “If they’re at work or in a noisy place, they might not be able to listen right away,” says Giolitti-Wright. In which case …
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An intro text is a great hack. It can feel overwhelming or foreboding to glance down mid-meeting and see you received a minute-long voice note — about what?? Sending an intro text to set the scene can be a boon for worst-case scenario thinkers, says Giolitti-Wright. “A simple ‘Hey, quick voice note about our weekend plans!’ text can help set expectations,” she says.
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Accept a text reply graciously. Don’t pressure your friends to send voice notes as a response to your voice note if they’re just not into that. “Some people love them, others prefer text,” says Giolitti-Wright. “Let people respond in the way that works for them.” Stockard agrees, urging voice note fans to “understand that voice notes may not be someone’s preference, or they may be unavailable to engage in a back-and-forth of voice notes.”
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Sometimes, you’ve just got to pick up the phone. If you’ve truly got a whole tale to tell or want to get your friend’s opinion on a nuanced issue, “it may be more time-consuming to send voice notes back and forth, and a phone call may be more of an appropriate modality,” says Stockard.
Ultimately, “when people prefer to use voice notes, [they] just want to hear one another’s voice,” concludes Stockard. Those who love them and use them do so because they find them to be a perfect balance: not quite a text, not quite a call.
The bottom line? Avoid sending voice notes entirely if they’re not your thing. But if, like many of us, you that find they help you have more meaningful conversations with your loved ones, go ahead and record that happy birthday message or that rant to your siblings about your mom. Just keep it under three minutes, OK?
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