If you find yourself in a situation that can only be resolved with a bar fight, and you know for a fact that you’re not going to win, may we suggest requesting these songs be played over the stereo before having your ass handed to you? Just to set the right mood, you know.
“Barroom Hero” by Dropkick Murphys
Dropkick Murphys released “Barroom Hero” on their 1998 album Do or Die. It’s probably the best song for getting into bar fights you know you’re not going to win, since it’s basically a tribute to the local drunk who can’t stop picking fights with guys who are much bigger than him. He’s a little bit pathetic to watch, and a raging idiot, but he’ll never give up. Even facedown in the gutter, he’s having the time of his life. “He’s a big strong man with a child’s mind / Don’t you take his booze away“.
“Barroom Hero” is a rollicking tune that opens with solemn bagpipes before launching into rowdy punk guitars. Dropkick Murphys are essentially The Pogues if they were from Boston, meaning their Irish punk is a little bit watered down. But you can guarantee their drinks aren’t, and “Barroom Hero” is the perfect soundtrack to having the most fun while getting your ass kicked.
“Sabotage” by Beastie Boys
The Beastie Boys released “Sabotage” as the lead single on their 1994 album Ill Communication. This is the dictionary definition of rowdy, and there’s no doubt that “Sabotage” should always play in the background during scrappy bar fights. It’s a great song for group fights, actually.
So when a group of douchey college-type guys invade your local watering hole and start causing trouble, you can count on your friends to throw themselves into the fight alongside you. And you can count on the Beastie Boys to be there too, at least in spirit. And in “Sabotage”. Maybe you won’t win this fight, and the bros will wipe the floor with you. But at least you and your friends are all losers together, and hopefully you’ve grown closer through this experience.
“Desolation Row” by My Chemical Romance
My Chemical Romance covered Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row” in 2009 for the film Watchmen. The thing about MCR doing covers is they always leave the energy completely transformed. Once they get their hands on a song, it’ll never be the same. Which is how “Desolation Row” went from a solemn folk tune to a raucous bar fight anthem.
Because when “Desolation Row” plays, the whole bar is getting in on it. This is a song that was made for throwing beer bottles, breaking pool cues and bar stools, and sending someone flying through a plate-glass window. Like musical wizards, My Chemical Romance took a mild-mannered Bob Dylan song and turned it into an anthem for mayhem and destruction.
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