Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Hole in None
President Trump declared on Sunday that he’d won a championship at Trump International Golf Club in Florida — not the first time he’d claimed victory at one of his own clubs.
Jon Stewart mocked Trump’s announcement with some well-placed air quotes on Monday’s “Daily Show.”
“Oh, he ‘won the tournament’ at ‘Trump International’? How did that happen?” Stewart said.
“This dude’s whole life, he’s like the Make-a-Wish Batman kid: ‘Hey, look at that, Donald. You caught all the criminals.’” — JON STEWART
“Look, I’m opposed to anyone rolling back American democracy, but I do tip the cap to any 78-year-old winning a golf tournament.” — JON STEWART
“And, by the way, still having enough energy left to stroll into the command center in his golf attire to bomb the [expletive] out of Yemen! Yeah. Now, look, anyone can bomb the [expletive] out of Yemen after nine holes, but 18?” — JON STEWART
“Who are the other players in this tournament? I mean, seriously, are there other golfers, or is it just Eric with his Fisher-Price clubs?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I want to see a full 580-page investigation of this tournament. I want to know everything. I want scorecards, I want video, I want affidavits from the caddies, I want a forensic investigation of every divot he didn’t bother to replace. How is it possible that this guy beats every other golfer every year?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (St. Patrick’s Day Edition)
“Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Once again, it is cabbage’s night to shine tonight.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know what? The way things have been going lately, it’s nice to have an excuse to drink on a Monday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“That’s right, people getting lit on a Monday morning. For one day, everyone gets to feel what it’s like to be a pilot for Southwest.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Nothing says celebrating a saint like watching a drunk guy put a plastic green hat on a police horse.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Interesting fact: St. Patrick’s Day was originally celebrated with the color blue, but they changed it to green because that is the color you get when you mix blue with vomit.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“What a spectacle in Times Square. Crews spent the afternoon dyeing all of the urine green.” — GREG GUTFELD
“They’ve been holding the annual St. Paddy’s Day parade in New York since 1762, before this was a country. The parade in Boston started 25 years before that, in 1737, back when Grand Marshall Mitch McConnell was just a teenage boy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
John Oliver explored the proliferation of sports betting on Sunday’s episode of “Last Week Tonight.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
John Legend will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Patrick Schwarzenegger’s experience with privilege lends itself well to his role as a finance bro from a wealthy family in Season 3 of “The White Lotus.”
The post Jon Stewart Isn’t Buying Trump’s Latest Golf ‘Championship’ appeared first on New York Times.
