‘Don’t Die’ Tech Mogul Bryan Johnson Is In an Actual Penis-Measuring Contest—With His Teenage Son

In addition to serving as “blood boy” to his dad, longevity-obsessed Bryan Johnson, 19-year-old Talmage Johnson is now also his boner boy.

Bryan Johnson shared a pair of charts on X (formerly Twitter) Wednesday comparing the duration and “quality” of his nighttime erections compared to his son’s.

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“Nighttime erection data from my 19-year-old son, @talmagejohnson_, and me. His duration is two minutes longer than mine,” he wrote, concluding, “Raise children to stand tall, be firm, and be upright.” Vanity Fair‘s request for comment was not immediately answered.

There’s just… a lot to unpack here, you know? Surely plenty of people bearing the surname “Johnson” are not obsessed with their penises, but both of these Johnsons have a passion for their Johnsons. According to the charts, Talmage may have had longer nighttime erections, but 47-year-old Bryan’s were “better,” with a quality score of 94 compared to Talmage’s 90. (It’s unclear what metrics are used to determine qualitative aspects.) Bryan also crushed his son on sleep quality (131 vs. 112, whatever that means), and the graphics show that they both have an “AndroAge” of 22.

Talmage, for what it’s worth, appears to be totally on board with all of it. He retweeted his father’s boner chart, adding, “I’m grateful for the way my dad has raised me.” On January 9, he tweeted that his goal for 2025 is to “achieve the same biomarkers as the world’s healthiest and most measured human.” (That would be dear old dad.) “He started at 43. I’m starting at 19. No matter your situation, you can start now too.” His tweet quoted his father bragging about smooth skin and sexual stamina.

In a 2024 Vanity Fair investigation, Rachel Dodes detailed Bryan Johnson’s beginnings in business, strict lifestyle regimen, and the accusations brought against him by his ex-fiancée Taryn Southern, who says that she suffered psychological and financial abuse, both personally and professionally. Johnson denied it all. Her employment claims were dismissed, and an arbitrator ordered her to pay more than half a million dollars of legal fees for him—plus interest.

Part of Bryan’s longevity is thanks to Talmage, according to Bryan. Talmage allowed his father to transfuse his blood when he was 17, in an attempt to be young from the inside out. “My son is my best friend,” Bryan tweeted this week, attaching video of an interview where he and the younger Johnson talk about taking the term “blood brothers” to a new level.

Bryan Johnson founded the Blueprint program, a strict plan where you spend so much time plotting out how not to die that there’s scarcely time to live. In February, he will host the one-day Don’t Die Summit in New York City, where participants have the opportunity to pay $1,499 to go to the Javits Center, take longevity tests, and drink tea. Breakfast and lunch—but not dinner—are included in the price of admission.

On his LinkedIn profile, Talmage lists himself as a “student intern” at his dad’s Blueprint company, a role he started eight months ago. His job description? “The most important thing on humanity’s to-do list.”

While Talmage has posted photos showing his vampirically low sleepytime resting heart rate of 36 BPM, the screenshot’s 9:07 p.m. timestamp and moon icon showing that this young man is up past his bedtime, neither Johnson has publicly shared how they are measuring their nighttime erections.