Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Lucky Birds
President Biden pardoned his last two Thanksgiving turkeys on Monday.
Although the holiday was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.
“Today on the South Lawn of the White House, President Biden pardoned two turkeys from Minnesota named Peach and Blossom. Those aren’t turkey names. Peach and Blossom sound like the special guests at a bachelor party.” — JIMMY FALLON
“President Biden today presided over the annual White House turkey pardon. Well, he didn’t exactly pardon them, he just turned the investigation over to Merrick Garland, and then it just kind of petered out.” — SETH MEYERS
“It’s kind of miraculous that these turkeys were able to get pardons without Ryan Murphy even doing a show about them on Netflix.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“That’s right, President Biden presided over the annual White House turkey pardon and granted clemency to Peach, Blossom and, before anyone noticed, Hunter.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yep, Biden promised that the turkeys would not get killed this November. Democrats were like, ‘Hey, that’s what you said to us.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“I hope everyone enjoyed the pardoning, because next year, under Trump, those turkeys will be Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON
Bah, Humbug
On his last episode of “Real Time” for the year, Bill Maher argued that Americans should forget politics and enjoy Christmas.
“Enough! It’s [expletive] Christmas, and you will act like it,” Maher said. “’Tis the season, and all that.”
“If we’re going to remain a viable society, there must be some things that transcend politics, like disaster relief and law enforcement and helping neighbors. And [expletive] Christmas!” — BILL MAHER
“This is America — I want to be judged by the content of my character, not what’s on my lawn.” — BILL MAHER
“I mean, can we have a little perspective? At the first Thanksgiving, the Indians somehow found it within themselves to sit down with the pilgrims who were there to steal their land and slaughter them — and you’re telling me you can’t suck it up and watch the Fiesta Bowl with Uncle Cletus?” — BILL MAHER
The Punchiest Punchlines (T.S.A. Edition)
“Well, guys, Thanksgiving is almost here, and I read that a record 80 million Americans are traveling for the holiday. But don’t worry, because today the T.S.A. announced that they’re opening a second lane.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Why do we have a major family holiday three and a half weeks before the other major family holiday? And then there’s New Year’s. Someone needs to — maybe this is a job for Trump’s new secretary of transportation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Meanwhile, over 70 million people are expected to drive for Thanksgiving. But don’t worry, ’cause during your nine-hour ride, Waze will suggest a route that’s two minutes faster.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Two huge storms are brewing that are expected to wreak havoc across the country. Yep, two major storms. All I’m saying is if the storms knock out the Wi-Fi or TV on Thanksgiving, God help us all.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Kara Swisher tussled with Michael Ian Black on Saturday’s “Have I Got News For You.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Kaley Cuoco, the star of “Based on a True Story,” will discuss the show’s second season on “Late Night.”
Also, Check This Out
Kendrick Lamar surprised fans on Monday with his sixth album, “GNX.”
The post Late Night Makes Its Last Jokes About Biden Pardoning Turkeys appeared first on New York Times.
