While I very much wanted my sons to go to college, as a divorced single parent, I chose not to cosign or take on Parent Plus loans that would add to my personal debt.
I already shouldered a mortgage, a car loan, and the daily expenses for my two sons that were not covered by modest child support. I knew I could not take the stress and anxiety of more money woes heading into my midlife years. Too much debt had previously been a problem for me, and I had learned some financial lessons the hard way.
Together, my sons and I worked out a plan that would help them graduate from college with my support in other ways instead of signing a slew of promissory notes.
I had an honest conversation with my kids early on
After the divorce and years before their college journeys, I often talked with my sons about value, daily expenses, managing money, and making good financial decisions. We discussed making sacrifices — such as fewer takeout dinners or miscellaneous purchases — to fund what they wanted, like sports camp or a new video game system.
From a younge age, they understood the value of money, so that when the college conversation started, they would understand where I was coming from.
When it was time to finally chat about college, we all agreed to have a calm discussion where everyone could share their perspective and be heard. College is an adult decision, so I wanted to treat them and their opinions with a mutual level of respect as adults.
To chip in, I had to make some smart financial moves
Since I wasn’t going to be able to cosign their loans, I wanted to help them out financially in other ways. I decided I could help my sons with expenses as we went along — like textbooks and housing.
All of this meant I had to save up some money. I got real with myself, so I took a true picture of my financial situation. I zeroed in on my budget numbers and what I could realistically handle mentally and physically.
From there, I explained I wanted them to graduate without a heavy financial burden following them for years, so we reviewed all the options and tried to choose the best college with a solid education that we could all afford.
I supported my college-age sons in other ways
My oldest son selected a school one hour away and funded it with a combination of merit and athletic scholarships. I helped pay for the meals purchased at school. I also funded books and other supplies that he needed for his industrial design major. I made his favorite foods and brought them to him when I visited. Later, I chipped in for housing.
My younger son received a small scholarship from a local university and had some college savings. He decided to commute, which was much more affordable than the private institution he also liked. I gave him my older car to drive, helped him prep his meals for the week, and let him live at home so he did not have to pay rent on a campus dorm or apartment.
We continued the conversation, and it all worked out
I ensured my sons understood the door was always open for more conversations. I told them plans could be altered if they were unhappy or the school was not a good fit. We focused on the best options for our family and not what other friends were saying they were doing.
My sons have graduated from college and are working in their chosen fields. Life has had some twists and turns, but we came prepared. I’m grateful for our thoughtful steps while embarking on their college journeys.
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