The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City have hit Milwaukee and brought with them something entirely foreign to the region: relentlessly aggressive gossip. Each lady brought rumors and nastiness aboard the tiny private jet, packed away to use at the most inopportune moment possible. They’re the best.
After a tumultuous ropes course that left the group in utter chaos, Whitney tells her husband that she feels the ladies are finally in a good enough place for a trip. It’s one of those moments where the forces of Bravo friction are stronger than anything based in reality, as a typical friend group might cancel a trip given everyone’s fighting. But this isn’t a typical friend group, it’s a reality TV cast. And everyone’s vying to be employee of the month.
The gossip is all destructive, absurd, and utterly salacious. Only in Salt Lake City would a bodacious browgirl have the smoking gun that a Z-list Osmond descendent is cheating on a Housewife. Angie, hair stylist to the stars, obviously has the hookup to all the cosmetology drama, and she knows she has to tell Britani.
Britani, the most humiliated friend-of in Bravo history, was mutilated at Heather’s ropes course, but she’s come to Milwaukee with an open mind and an open heart—which will promptly be cut open.
It is so utterly embarrassing to have screenshots of Jared Osmond swiping up on the brow girl’s Instagram with, “Oh, you are so fun,” alongside a tongue-out emoji. You can learn a lot about a man by the way he flirts, and it seems Jared is an f-boy who likes to text with one hand.
It’s even worse that, when asked for clarification, Jared texts the anonymous brow girl to tell her he and Britani are not dating, and he is desperate to be in another relationship as Britani has already moved on. That lie may work on some, but we have HD TV’s showing us how little Britani has moved on, and how much she thinks they’re together.
She may be the Mormon faith’s strongest soldier, as I can’t imagine believing in God after the world so ruthlessly humiliated me.
Before Angie delivers the life-destroying news, though, the ladies have a little bit of fun in Milwaukee. The trip opens with a cute palate cleanser as Mary lets us know her father grew up in the city just doors down from Jeffrey Dahmer. Neat!
Mary has let her walls down a bit and is actually engaged with the group, even if she refused to fly with them. Case in point: As Lisa cries about being away from her son Jack as he undergoes a health crisis on his Mormon mission, Mary offers her a hug and says, “You’re human.” That is a big statement coming from God herself. She is so kind.
After breakfast, the ladies split up. Whitney takes half the group on a tour of a bobblehead museum, while the rest go gambling. This is a classic chance for the women to spread horrific rumors about each other before coming together to cheer on the Milwaukee Bucks by fighting constantly while ignoring the game.
Lisa joins the ladies at the casino, which obviously negates her Mormon faith. But that’s simply because she’s a fake Mormon (or Mormon 2.0) and not actually addicted to gambling, and thereby can do it. That logic does make a bit of sense if you squint. At least she’s not addicted to porn like that boy who sat next to her on a random flight. If he could look up from his raunchy videos long enough to watch Bravo, he’d probably be so embarrassed to learn she noticed.
After all, the ladies of RHOSLC’s true addiction is to gossip. At the casino, Heather grabs her all-mighty spoon and stirs the pot, telling Meredith that Whitney felt she was cold when accepting the trip invite.
Meredith, on the other hand, is utterly flummoxed by Whitney’s choice of olive branch. Whitney asked Meredith to bring her branded caviar on the trip, which I will agree is not an olive branch. Maybe if Whitney had offered Meredith an apology for selling bath bombs despite the fact she knows Meredith was the first woman to ever bathe then they could move forward. Even then, just maybe.
Meredith loves throwing her metaphorical bath bombs around and spreading allegations. Under the gauche casino lights, Meredith says something else isn’t adding up about Whitney: her designs. Apparently, part of Whitney’s hilling journey is to dropship Alibaba products and mark them up. That’s something common of Housewives businesses—She By Sheree, Sonja by Sonja Morgan—so it wouldn’t be a surprise.
“I can’t tell her myself because she always assumes the worst in me,” Meredith says in a confessional. Yes, I’m sure Whitney will much prefer you sharing it on national TV and with all your cast members. Meredith might not be a girl’s girl…
Guess who is a girl’s girl? Lisa Barlow. As the ladies play roulette, she plays some Russian Roulette with Britani, snatching the friend-of’s phone out of her hand and blowing off Jared. Lisa’s unbothered, mysterious texts to Jared are actually inspirational. Britani really should let Lisa draft all her texts going forward as he’s a loser and being so doe-eyed in love is a very sad, pathetic look for Britani.
Meanwhile, our other friend-of Meili is finally dipping her toes in the water, thanks to fellow newbie Bronwyn. Apparently, Lisa let slip that Meili is blacklisted at Nordstrom for making too many returns. That’s so suburban.
Bronwyn feels betrayed by Lisa and Heather after she was revealed to be a people pleasing yes-man, and she’s revving up the bus to run everyone over. Sure, yes, Lisa could’ve been more defensive of Bronwyn at the ropes course, but Bronwyn seems to have a fair weather friendship with the concept of reality.
Heather wasn’t claiming that she and Lisa were saying nice things about Whitney in the car. Heather’s issue is that Bronwyn proudly piled on to Whitney and then went to Whitney and changed her tune. So, when Lisa said Bronwyn was being snarky, it wasn’t an admonishment.
But Bronywn being delusional and somewhat of a backstabber is ultimately a good thing in the land of TV, even if it’s a red flag in a real friend group.
Later, the ladies go to a suite to hash out all their issues. Here, Bronwyn lets Lisa know she felt unsupported, and rather than try to solve it, she decided to make things worse. Meili finally gets her moment, asking Lisa why she’s hearing that Lisa talked about her, and Lisa owns up to it, before brushing Meili away.
Bronwyn wants to “get away with a little mess,” otherwise she’s going to keep holding Lisa’s feet to the fire for her own mess. Meili is simply a prop in this brewing feud. Although Bronwyn doesn’t make a lot of sense, she does hold her own with Lisa, Heather and Meredith, something even Whitney couldn’t do just weeks before.
It might not be in Bronwyn’s best long-term interest to scorch her connection to the group, but it’s an interesting route to take. Ultimately, I’d say Heather is right about Bronwyn being a bit of a fraud. And the more of her layers we see, the more she seems like a formidable Housewife. To say you’re the best dressed while dressed like a scrunchie come to life is the right kind of delusion.
Meanwhile, the queen of delusion, Britani, gets thoroughly decimated. Angie, wrapped in a Greek flag to celebrate her peer in the Grecian industry, Giannis Antetokounmpo, decides to rip off the Bandaid and let Britani know about Jared’s philandering ways.
This all happens moments after Britani FaceTimes him. She is down so incredibly bad. At least it’s Angie who delivers the news. She is most certainly the kindest Housewife and does soften the blow, a little bit. Still, Britani leaves the room in shambles, a state she is almost always in.
It’s utter chaos all the time for these ladies. Milwaukee is going to need a hilling journey of its own once they leave—but not before we get a Lisa vs. Angie blowout for the ages next week. This season is all killer, no filler.
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