MAGA dupes broke their brains when this epic fury detonated

It’s just so exhausting to live in the dumbest timeline in global history.

I could give you a decade’s worth of examples of MAGA stupidity, and we could spend the next 1,000 words debating over which is the dumbest of the dupes deployed by Dumb Donald’s Deplorables. For me, it was the sight of everyone wearing those moronic maxi pads on their faces at the 2024 RNC after Trump’s first faux-assassination attempt in Butler, PA. Weird timing, huh?

Anyway, there are just far too many other dumb things displayed by Trump’s poorly educated Red Hat Death Squad of compliant, willfully obtuse mouth-breathers who ain’t much for book learnin’ and never actually do their own research. If any of them were capable of self-reflection or independent thought, we’d be living in a very different timeline where GWB was the last Republican President and no one was trying to dismantle the Department of Education.

[Quick shoutout to Suzanne Bonamici, my Representative, for filing Articles of Impeachment against the least educated Education Secretary in history, Linda “Pile Driver” McMahon].

Instead, they share their collective IQ point to parrot whatever propaganda they’ve been programmed to believe, twisting themselves into conspiracy theory pretzels to avoid all truths. They’re so deeply enmeshed in the MAGA cult that they allow Trump to manipulate their feelings, telling them to get mad about whatever he’s mad about, even though they don’t understand any of it.

Their anger is then misdirected to those of us who trade in the truths about Trump that they’ll never admit. These self-proclaimed Alphas are triggered by literally the dumbest things (literally, as we’ll get to in a sec) while fully avoiding the truth about horrifically violent sex crimes Trump has committed against women and children.

So instead of questioning why Trump finally paid E. Jean Carroll the $5.6 million he’s owed her for the last three years, they channel their anger at whatever convenient cultural scapegoat they can. And right now, they’ve decided that Trump sending Kash Patel to Moscow next month is no big deal, but Oscar-winning film director Christopher Nolan casting a Black woman as Helen of Troy is an abomination.

I’m more than fine with Lupita Nyong’o portraying a woman whose “face launched a thousand ships,” because she’s stunningly beautiful. It’s also more accurate to cast a woman of color in the role considering Greece is a Mediterranean country with proximity to other multicultural nations. It’s like when they get mad over anyone saying Jesus wasn’t white — because he wasn’t.

And if that isn’t enough faux outrage pearl-clutching for you, they’re extra triggered because openly trans actor Elliot Page is also in the movie. Page doesn’t play Achilles as first rumored–how dare they cast him in the same role Brad Pitt played 22 years ago in Troy?

Page actually plays a completely mythological character named Sinon, which Nolan took from Virgil, instead of Homer. The Do Your Own Research dudes would know this if they’d just asked the Google instead of spewing transphobia on Twitter, but what’s the fun in telling the truth?

C’mon now, MAGA, you’re going to pretend the Ancient Greeks weren’t completely fine with all kinds of alternative lifestyles? They’re the ones credited for making wrestling a competitive sport.

The manufactured MAGA idiocy over The Odyssey being “woke” makes my brain cry. I haven’t seen the film yet — I like to avoid crowds, because people don’t know how to behave in movie theaters anymore. Plus, shelling out $25 for the IMAX version doesn’t align with my budget. But I’m an AP Honors English kid, and I know my Greek mythology, thanks. Whatever literary licenses Nolan takes with the story don’t matter, because IT IS A STORY, not a documentary.

The Odyssey is what we now call “historical fiction,” weaving the tale of a Trojan War hero who fights monsters and endures hardships on an epic 10-year journey home to his wife and son in Troy. Historians have argued over the existence of a real Odysseus, but there are no records of a Greek king taking a decade to come home from the war.

Homer cleverly used local geography to make his stories real for the locals who listened to them. Greek mythology is super fun, but MAGA cannot wrap their broken brains around the duality. Yes, kids, there was a real Trojan War. That’s where the history ends, and the suspension of disbelief begins. It’s a fun read, but it’s about as real as any other book about a quest. Like, get mad that Lord of the Rings isn’t a real representation of New Zealand history because that’s where Peter Jackson filmed the movies, she said with a hard eyeroll.

Who cares which actor plays which part in a MOVIE which includes a cyclops, sirens, sorcery, and getting caught between the Scylla and Charabdis (a favorite idiom used by Sting in “Wrapped Around Your Finger”)?

MAGA does, so they can pretend Donald Trump isn’t a convicted felon and adjudicated rapist who vandalized D.C. as a 250th birthday gift for his Daddy Vladdy. They love getting mad about the little things, because the truth about Trump is too big and scary to think about.

From the reviews I’ve read, The Odyssey is exactly the kind of action movie MAGA would love, if they hadn’t been told to hate on it. Adventures on the high seas, gnarly deaths, swordfighting, and LOTS OF MEN on a boat. And it’s so pathetic that ultimate Beta Elon Musk is threatening a “historically accurate” version made by Grok.

“Historically accurate” will be interesting, considering there’s no such thing as monsters — except the human ones like Musk himself who are ruining everything for the rest of us.

But as I’m always here to help, I used Musk’s Grok to give him a head start. I don’t expect any royalties, because my account is so suppressed that I don’t even make the monthly payout threshold, but maybe it’ll reach him anyway.