This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jasmine Roth. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I’m pregnant with my second child, who is due in October, just after my 40th birthday. I’ll be the same age when my baby arrives as my grandmother was when I was born. I could be a grandmother now if I stuck to my family’s schedule. Breaking that cycle was a very intentional choice.
Growing up, the generations in my family were about 20 years apart. Everyone was young parents, and we were able to do lots of fun activities. But there were also challenges: financial worries and emotional immaturity.
I met my husband when we were 20. We moved in together as college roommates and never moved out. When I looked at his family, which had larger generational gaps, I saw what I wanted: greater financial security and very intentional choices about parenthood. That’s what I was looking for.
I thought I was ready for a baby, but then I traveled for three years
My husband and I both studied entrepreneurship at college, and we focused on building our separate companies after graduation. We had very optimistic goals. Children, for us, fit in later in life.
Our first daughter was born when my husband and I were 36. About three years before that we hit a point where we were happy with our careers. We owned a home and had a level of career and financial success we were comfortable with.
But instead of having a baby then, we decided to travel. We went all-in, taking our vacation time and then some. We snowboarded on four continents that year. It was so much fun that we did it again the next year, and then the next. After that, my biological clock was really ticking. It wasn’t the perfect time, but I knew it was the right time.
Having a baby during COVID lockdown was traumatic
I was very confident in our decision to delay having a baby. You can’t be together with someone for 15 years and not have a child without a lot of intentionality. Despite that, there were some times when I questioned waiting. Still, I had the confidence to know it was the right choice for us.
After all that waiting, I thought we were prepared for parenthood. We had been through so much together, but nothing could have prepared us for having a baby.
The month before my daughter Hazel was born, COVID lockdown started. When I was in labor we packed a cooler of food, because we knew if my husband left the hospital he might not be able to get back in. Afterward, we drove by my mother’s house and showed her new grandchild through the car window.
No one knew about the impact of COVID on pregnant people or infants. Even getting to the pediatrician was difficult. It was truly traumatic.
I’m building my own happiness
After that, it took us years to feel ready for another baby. Then, we spent another year trying to get pregnant. I had to address health issues I didn’t know I had, like high cholesterol. We conceived after intrauterine insemination (IUI).
This pregnancy has its own challenges. During the first trimester I had a lot of restrictions. Amid that, we decided to relocate from Huntington Beach, California to Park City, Utah, where a lot of my business is based. Our house is being built and we plan to move by the end of July.
Getting the new house ready is difficult, because you’re designing for something you haven’t experienced. As soon as we bought the house while it was under construction I had them add another room so the kids didn’t have to share. I’ve never been a mom of two but even I knew that didn’t seem like a good idea.
This time, I’m really excited to be able to have our village — our friends and family — around to help. I’m all about building your own happiness. That doesn’t mean you have it all figured out or do everything right. Instead it’s about celebrating whatever phase or season of life you’re in, and leaning into that.
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