When Alexandra Weinstein received the photos from her wedding in Anguilla in November 2023, she loved them all. At first.
A few weeks later, after she had gone through all the photos and reflected further, she felt that something was off about the editing style, and she wasn’t happy. She felt it made her makeup look dulled, her teeth yellow and the ocean background gray.
Months after a back-and-forth with her photographer, she took to TikTok to chronicle the experience in a series of videos, which collectively garnered millions of views. She said she asked for re-edits of some photos, but when she didn’t like the updated versions, she requested the unedited, raw images. The photographer shared some, which Ms. Weinstein edited herself to better align with her vision.
Eventually, Ms. Weinstein asked for all the raw images, and the photographer quoted a price that she and her husband found unreasonable, after initially paying nearly $8,000. She posted on her Instagram story saying something like, “You shouldn’t be in the wedding industry if you’re not aiming to please a client,” Ms. Weinstein shared in a phone interview.
“And I had emailed her stating, I really hope you don’t want me to share a negative review on this situation,” said Ms. Weinstein, 30, who lives in Tampa, Fla.
“As a first time bride, you’re going into it blind,” she said. “You don’t know the right questions to ask.” She said she found the photographer on Instagram, they talked and she sent a Pinterest board with ideas of what she wanted.
She said that since posting her videos, she has received messages from other women who had similar experiences with their wedding photographs. Ms. Weinstein’s photographer did not respond to requests for comment.
As is tradition on social media, wedding photographers, brides-to-be and digital onlookers weighed in on what has come to be known as the “Sepia Bride” story, named for how some users described the golden-toned images shown in the videos. Some were team photographer, saying that it appeared the results matched the photographer’s style. Some took issue with Ms. Weinstein’s decision to share the experience online.
Others sympathized with her, arguing that for a wedding, a photographer should do whatever it takes to make the client happy. The conversation spilled over from TikTok onto Reddit, Threads and other platforms (and, along the way, even sparked spinoff discourse about the pronunciation of “sepia”).
The discussions left some people wondering: How can you make sure you love your wedding photos?
We interviewed several photographers who shared advice on what to do if you have concerns about your photos and how to hire the right photographer for your taste and style.
“The secret to great wedding photography is the same as the secret to great marriages, which is: Communicate, and over-communicate, and then communicate again, just to be sure,” said Kayla Lang, a photographer and videographer in West Lafayette, Ind., who runs the Lang Co. with her husband, Mike Lang.
In a phone interview, Ms. Lang said there are variables a photographer can’t control, like the weather conditions, but often, an editing concern — like if the groomsmen wore navy blue, but their suits look black in the photos — can be addressed if the client raises it as soon as possible.
Ms. Lang and several other photographers recommended that clients view a photographer’s work from various lighting, venues and weather conditions before booking. Look at examples of their work featuring people with varying skin tones and body types. Go beyond the sampling on their Instagram pages, and review multiple full wedding galleries, if possible. (Ms. Lang, who has posted tips for couples on TikTok, said her photo edits try to match the energy of the day, rather than a particular style.)
Consider doing an engagement photo shoot as a trial run. Read reviews, offerings and contracts carefully. Use referrals from friends and family. Above all, many photographers said, have an open, ideally face-to-face conversation at the beginning of the process.
Kesha Lambert, a photographer based in New Rochelle, N.Y., said that in this early conversation, you want to get a sense of the photographer as a person. Consider whether you want that person embedded in the intimate spaces and family dynamics of your wedding day.
When it comes to editing, Ms. Lambert finds it useful when couples have visual references, like a Pinterest board, that they can talk through together. She uses visual examples because she said that many people may not have the language to describe the exact look and editing style they prefer. And if they do, that language can be highly subjective.
“Someone could say, ‘I really like a natural retouch, I don’t want to look overly edited,’ but natural means two completely different things,” Ms. Lambert said. “Natural might mean one thing to me, and a different thing to them.”
Ms. Lambert added that if you are disappointed with your photos, talk with your photographer and “approach the conversation in a non-adversarial way.” Describe how you feel and ask if there are any options available. She said that she believes most photographers would appreciate knowing if a client was unhappy with their work, so that they had the opportunity to course-correct within reason.
It’s also good to know that different photographers have different approaches to weddings. There are those who tend toward a “documentary” style, capturing moments as they naturally happen, and those who actively pose couples and their loved ones.
“One way to look at it is, some photographers are directors and some photographers are collectors,” said John Dolan, the author of “The Perfect Imperfect: The Wedding Photographs of John Dolan,” whose forthcoming edition features his work on the weddings of Gwyneth Paltrow, AnnaSophia Robb and Naomi Biden.
Mr. Dolan said that the photographer plays a unique role in a wedding. Often, within the first hour on the job, they’ll see you crying, stressed or getting dressed. Photographers are tasked with not only preserving memories, but performing a kind of emotional alchemy.
“I just think it’s a live performance, it’s a delicate operation,” Mr. Dolan said. “I kind of see myself as a heart specialist, where I come in and perform these really special operations and make something come out really beautifully.”
He finds that sitting down together is a vital first step with clients, but he said that couples shouldn’t feel that they have to have all the answers or do an exhaustive amount of homework before reaching out to a photographer.
“Most people getting married are doing it for the first time and the minute you get engaged, you get a list of about a thousand questions,” said Mr. Dolan, whose studio is based in Manhattan. From flowers to food to music and invite lists, it can be overwhelming. “Asking people to be experts is asking a lot.”
To Mr. Dolan, the magic of wedding photography ultimately comes down to trust. If you foster trust, photographers can feel free to use their artistry in ways that surprise and delight, and hopefully enrich the way you look back on your wedding day.
Put simply, he said: “Find a photographer you trust, and then trust them.”
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