Despite being known for its nightlife, many of Melbourne’s very best clubs have tragically shuttered in recent years. What we are left with are the fighting dregs of a once-bountiful cornucopia. Don’t let it get you down, though. There is plenty more partying to be had here. If you’re stumped as to where you can go on a night out that’s more hot girls to the front and less white guys with dreads tweaking out on the hallucinogen du jour, look no further than our guide to Melbourne’s best clubs. Seriously, look no further. Time Out’s guide looks like it was written by someone whose idea of a good night out in Melbourne starts at Glamorama (awful) and ends at Onesixone (awful).
These are the only venues worth going to.
1. Miscellania – Melbourne CBD
Called “Melbourne’s only nightclub” in jest, Miscellania popped up in the almost-through-the-pandemic era, when the thirst for tight spaces in which to get sweaty and freaky to good music was at an all-time high. On any given night from Wednesday-Sunday Miscellania is host to record launches, pop-ups, listening parties, art shows, live performances and fundraisers, often with food or fun drinks served in the upstairs smokers – but it’s best known for its frenetic and delicious queer club nights. Events at Misc frequently fuse live dance performances and art installations, so expect a feast for all senses. The bathrooms are appropriately foul. The soundsystem is just ok, but the calibre of the DJs that play there usually makes up for it.
2/401 Swanston St, Melbourne.
2. Sub Club – Melbourne CBD
Melbourne’s most typical “nightclub”, the nightclub for clubbers, the club to end all clubs. On Friday and Saturdays, you can basically guarantee there will be some techo-heavy stomping sweaty frantic club night happening at Sub. It’s a wonderful place to get deep, with a fantastic soundsystem. This club has two levels: the basement is usually dark and low-key scary, the upstairs is generally lighter and bouncier. Sub Club’s only limitation is its location, in a lane just behind Elizabeth Street, which encourages random blow-ins from the odd end of the city – there’s always an interesting crowd. That aside, events held at Sub Club are generally great quality. You can depend on it for a good blowout.
Flinders Ct, Melbourne.
3. Angel Music Bar – Melbourne CBD
Angel is a great Melbourne club because downstairs is a cocktail bar, so you can chill there until you feel like heading up to the shoebox dance floor. Yes, it is tiny, but its sound system is superb. Angel generally has good events and great DJs on Fridays and Saturdays, and entry is often a meagre $10-$15… in this economy?!?!?! Yes.
12 Bourke St, Melbourne.
4. Section 8 – Melbourne CBD
Section 8 is a veteran Melbourne club, which is known for hosting RnB, bass, Afrobeat or disco nights. It’s more of a venue than a club, with an indoor-outdoor vibe, and a dancing area sandwiched between palettes. But, the dance floor is always going off. You can smoke, drink, chill, dance, or shoot hoops with the bouncers outside.
27-29 Tattersalls Ln, Melbourne.
5. Wax Music Lounge – Melbourne CBD
A newcomer on the scene. A bar with a dance floor. Which could become one of Melbourne’s best nightclubs?! Who knows?! Cool people throw events here sometimes!
250 Flinders St, Melbourne.
6. Music Room – Melbourne CBD
Music Room is in the basement of that gigantic multi-use-nightlife-venue, HER. It’s a bar with a dance floor, and there are frequently good takeovers by DJs, collectives and people whose music you might care about. It’s also very chic.
Level 1/270 Lonsdale St, Melbourne.
7. QQQst Park – Collingwood
An onigiri restaurant during the day, by night QQQst transforms into a dark, dank dance floor, usually hosting dirty drum & bass nights. The music programmer knows their shit, you can usually expect something great to be happening on any Friday or Saturday.
4 Peel St, Collingwood.
8. Gasometer Hotel – Collingwood
Made famous by its big gay Sunday day parties, the Gaso holds dominion of Melbourne’s best clubs during the summer, with a big roof that opens up to reveal a lovely sky. In winter it still throws parties, too! It’s huge, draws people who love to party, and you’re always likely to end the night with some new friends.
484 Smith St, Collingwood.
9. The Grace Darling – Collingwood
While not technically a club, per se, the Grace is an iconic Melbourne pub which also holds events. There are usually whole-venue-takeovers-slash-multi-feature-nights, and the music programmer has great taste, so you can always expect a good time. The Grace Darling basement might just be the best club in Melbourne – it’s tight, sweaty, intimate, dark, grungy, possibly haunted…? Love it.
114 Smith St, Collingwood.
10. Avalon the Bar – Fitzroy
Avalon the Bar used to be an iconic DIY-type establishment a million years ago. Now it’s open for hire to whoever wants to hold a night there. This means there’s always something interesting going on. It’s a very weird venue – just a sparse, carpeted room with stacked chairs flanking a DJ booth, and a bar up the back. But it’s precisely its weirdness that makes it good… sometimes.
387 Brunswick St, Fitzroy.
11. Radio Bar – Fitzroy
Close to Avalon the Bar, Radio Bar is a bar with a dance floor, and young fun people throw events there sometimes. Other times, there will be psytrance blasting out into the street at 5 p.m. and as you walk past, white men with dreads, pageboy hats and bridge piercings peer out at you through semi-permanent marijuana hazes. The reek of patchouli wafts for miles around. You quicken your step.
357 Brunswick St, Fitzroy.
12. Sircuit – Fitzroy
Circuit and Yah Yahs are Melbourne’s eminent gay clubs, where the beautiful smell of amyl fills the air, Troye Sivan, Kylie Minogue and Lady Gaga fill your ears, and you can sing along to every single song and no one will stop you because everyone else is doing the exact same thing.
103-105 Smith St, Fitzroy.
13. Yah Yahs – Fitzroy
See above.
99 Smith St, Fitzroy.
14. 24 Moons – Northcote
24 Moons has to be one of the strangest clubs in Melbourne, if not the strangest. It’s rumoured to be a former strip club, but its energy is more like a menagerie. A zoo perhaps. The dance floor is normal, but cross over into the bar area and you’ll be greeted by fake grass walls, shiny stuff, and, if I’m remembering correctly, fake animal heads? Is that right? The place feels like a deranged cheese dream, but there are always good crowds and great club nights there.
2 Arthurton Rd, Northcote.
15. D’Shut – Brunswick
A low-key venue in Brunswick frequently holding cool parties.
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16. Revolver – Prahran
No list of Melbourne’s best clubs would be complete without Revolver. An absolute institution, famous for its 24-hour parties and spurious rumours… a lot happens at Revs. Enter on a Saturday night and emerge Monday morning an entirely new person.
Level 2/229 Chapel St, Prahran.
Arielle Richards is the multimedia reporter at VICE Australia, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.
The post The VICE Guide to the Best Clubs in Melbourne appeared first on VICE.
