During my tenure at the Fashion Institute of Technology, I was required to take one fashion merchandising class, where my professor impressed upon me the matter of “trend forecasting” like someone trying to burn a pancake on a griddle. Despite my professor’s insistence, I couldn’t give you an exact definition of the phrase because, well, I wasn’t listening. But since I hold a degree from the school, I can technically call myself an expert, which is how I know that MILFs are going to be huge this summer.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term “MILF,” congratulations on waking up from the coma you were in between 2004 and 2010. I hope your brain damage is minimal. While you were out, some of us were lying in wait, biding our time until the “Mother I’d Like to Fuck” fad returned. They say that trends recycle every few decades, but the MILFs are too strong, too powerful, and too busty to abide by this belief. They refuse to wait—hell, they simply don’t have the time! Being a MILF implies being older, after all. And while Fergie so generously tried to make MILFs cool again with her 2016 single, “M.I.L.F $,” it was not yet time for these magnificent mamas to return. They were gathering their strength and popping their progesterone, waiting for the perfect moment.
The stars have aligned, and the moons are in their correct phases, because MILFs are officially back. This summer, we will not be able to round a corner without being knocked over by a beautiful buxom mother. They have raised kids, and now they’re ready to raise our temperatures. But you don’t have to take my word for it: The proof is readily available. Leading the charge for MILFdom is Vanessa Williams, whose new single, “Legs (Keep Dancing),” is not just a joyful ode to aging gracefully, but an anthem for leggy broads of a certain age who have no shame in showing off their gams. The video for the song is sexy, spirited, and even a little naughty, all things that a MILF should be. “Legs” is all about meeting society’s notions of aging and femininity and defying them outright, and it’s the perfect song to usher in the dawn of MILF 2.0.
I’ll admit it—I’ve got MILFs on the mind. I’m sure you can tell! Women feeling sexy and powerful at all ages is of the utmost importance to me, a 29-year-old gay guy. Yeah, that’s a joke, but it’s also deadly serious. If older actresses and singers don’t make new content for me to feed on and write about, Neil Patrick Harris kicks down my door in the middle of the night and revokes my laminated gay card, and I’d really prefer to stay as far away from him as possible. Thankfully, I will not be coming into contact with blondie three-names anytime soon, because we are about to be inundated with hot, fresh MILF media.
Williams’ song is the magnitude 8.0 (literal) motherquake that is triggering this mommy tsunami. “Legs (Keep Dancing)” is a brilliant dance tune that tackles aging and womanhood toes-first. In the song, Williams gleefully proclaims, “They say the legs are the last to go, I’ma keep dancing!” This dark lyric—which implies that a woman’s legs are the last thing on her body to fail her in advanced age (yeesh!)—is made much lighter thanks to some propulsive synths and the video’s high-energy choreography. In that accompanying visual, Williams jumps, twirls, and kicks, demonstrating the viability of both her song’s message and her long limbs. It’s a hymn for women of all ages, and, given that Williams is the mother of four children, a theme song for modern MILFdom.
While Williams’ song is so infectious that it’s hard to imagine a reality where you’d ever tire of listening to it, other mature women have you covered in case “Legs” lags. Singer-songwriter Bonnie McKee, whose pen is behind mega-hits like Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” and Britney Spears’ “Hold It Against Me,” is releasing more of her own music, complete with undeniably MILFy iconography to boot. In the video for her new song, “Jenny’s Got a Boyfriend,” which is a delightfully ribald track about contemplating being a homewrecker to your best friend, a pair of legs kick back and forth in the frame. McKee’s feet are clad with rollerskates, and though she isn’t a mother herself, this sight boasts the kind of classic MILF vibes we just haven’t been getting. It even recalls what I would call a quintessential MILF image: Kim Cattrall’s Samantha Jones in Sex and the City 2, sitting in her office with her red, lacey underwear around her ankles, rubbing hormone cream on her vagina to stave off menopause. MILF Metropolis is, after all, located at the intersection of sex and aging.
And then there’s the deluge of MILF movies and TV! The MILFs have this summer’s media landscape cornered, and they’re not about to let us forget it. There is, of course, the super-obvious television show that I’d be remiss not to mention, MILF Manor, which has just started airing its second season on TLC (and can be streamed on Max). In the show, a group of women between the ages of 40 and 60 gather together at a villa to date and fuck younger men who—get this—are each other’s sons! This kind of nasty little treat is more MILF classic than nü-MILF, but it’s still fascinating nonetheless.
But two other selections are much more in-line with MILF 2.0, and as luck has it, they’re dropping on the very same day. A double whammy of MILF content is all that skeptics should need for them to know that we are in a new era of mature mom and mom-adjacent lustiness. The third season of Max’s acclaimed series Hacks and Anne Hathaway’s new romantic dramedy The Idea of You both release May 2, and both feature femmes flaunting their funbags and flaps. In Hacks, Jean Smart is the stand-up comic Deborah Vance, whose comedy routine and sex life have gotten a jolt of vitality thanks to some assistance from the younger crowd. The same goes for The Idea of You, which stars Hathaway as an art dealer who crosses paths with a hunky twentysomething singer (inspired by Harry Styles), and enters into a sensual love affair. The 41-year-old Hathaway is not a senior by any means—this isn’t granny gets her groove back—but the film’s plot does hinge on Hathaway’s character being a single mother, so The Idea of You absolutely qualifies as official MILF matters.
As much as it pains to put all jokes aside, there is something that I find utterly refreshing about this new, MILFtastic era. Back when the acronym first took off in the late aughts, MILFs were always the butt of the joke, conflated with another lightly misogynistic term: the “cougar.” MILFs and cougars were essentially the same thing, and their existence was always predicated on the supposed comedy of older women being just as horny as younger women. But their independence was often removed, with the terms becoming two more ways for men to either sexualize women or place themselves within a woman’s sexuality without their consent. A man would want to fuck a MILF, or ardently seek out a cougar for sex.
The resurrection of the MILF means that women have the chance to take back their power when it comes to these terms. Big talk coming from, again, a gay man—believe me, I get it. But this new, modern MILF culture is far more autonomous than round one ever was. The MILFs are not the punchlines but, rather, society’s matriarchs, whose sexuality dictates their increasing sense of freedom as they age. Being a MILF can be progressive, an active choice, and one that can be filled with bliss and new experiences. It can put you in the crosshairs of a mega-famous male pop star, or have you questioning whether you should use your sexuality to steal a friend’s boyfriend. MILFhood is a powerful force, one that cannot be quashed and certainly can’t be contained. Thankfully, a stunning mother recently told me that legs are the last thing to go, which means that the MILFs are here to stay long after summer is over.
The post Vanessa Williams’ New Song Is Bringing MILF Culture Back appeared first on The Daily Beast.
