Turns out, nobody likes it when an authority figure is endlessly scrolling on their phone instead of paying attention. You probably wouldn’t want a surgeon to pause in the middle of an operation to check Instagram for ten minutes. It turns out kids don’t appreciate parents mentally clocking out for the same reason.
According to a June study published in Frontiers in Psychology and reported by The Guardian, children who feel like they’re competing with a parent’s phone for attention are more likely to report signs of insecure attachment.
The study, which has the delightfully deranged title “Mommy, do you love your phone more than me?”, sounds like a cartoon-level emotional manipulation on the child’s part, but it is certainly effective and cuts straight to the point. The researchers surveyed 600 American teens between the ages of 12 and 17, asking them whether their parents seemed distracted by their devices during conversations or during family time.
Teens who felt ignored by their caregivers’ phone use were more likely to report anxious or avoidant attachment styles, which are usually the relationship patterns associated with insecurity, emotional withdrawal, or constantly worrying about rejection.
Parents Who Ignore Their Kids for Their Phones May Be Hurting Their Attachment, Study Suggests
One interesting distinction here is that the study doesn’t prove that phones cause the problem. It’s all based on teenagers’ perceptions and not on measured screen time. The researchers also acknowledge that they didn’t take family conflict or any existing emotional baggage into account, which could also explain some of the disconnect between parent and child.
All those caveats established, the researchers gathered enough valuable data that seems to align with a growing body of research suggesting that children are probably better off hanging around parents who are mentally present in addition to being physically present in their lives. Being there isn’t enough. You need to be an active participant in a child’s life, and phone time detracts from that.
The act even has a cute name ripe for social media overuse: “phubbing,” or snubbing someone in favor of your phone. Phone + Snubbing. Get it? Previous studies have linked parental phubbing to everything from children’s own screen addiction to more behavioral problems and weaker parent-child relationships.
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