We all have that one friend who seems to fall in love every other week, claiming to have found “the one” every time they go on a first date. For a while, I was this person, until I became so jaded that I required a six-month-long slow burn to even admit I had feelings for someone new.
But I digress.
While at times endearing, the behavioral pattern of falling in love quickly can be quite concerning and even detrimental. Without giving yourself the proper time to get to know someone, you set yourself and the other person up for failure.
Wondering whether falling in love quickly is a red flag? In this article, I speak with a psychologist about the potential downfalls of and reasons for falling in love too soon.
Is Falling in Love Quickly a Red Flag?
When someone falls in love quickly, they often overlook potential incompatibilities and fill in any blanks with their imagination. Rather than allowing themselves to fully get to know the person, they become invested off the bat, whether due to chemistry, lust, or even just hopeless-romantic tendencies. This often creates a false attachment to a version of the person that might not even exist.
As Moriah O’Barr, PsyD, Co-clinical director of Cultivating Courage Psychological Services, explained to VICE, “While not always a red flag, it is something to look at, especially if there is an established pattern of falling in love quickly.”
Why Do People Fall in Love Quickly?
Falling in love quickly isn’t necessarily a negative thing on a one-off occasion. However, if it happens frequently, it might point toward an overwhelming desire for connection rather than genuine compatibility/interest.
“Someone who finds themselves often in the position of falling in love quickly might notice patterns of how this happens,” O’Barr says.
For example, she explains, we might downplay certain red flags or incompatibilities just to protect the “love” we think we have for them.
“As people, we often look for evidence that supports our beliefs or deep desires. This can especially be true in romantic relationships,” O’Barr says. “People can dismiss instances that do not support the belief of the other person as a ‘one-off’ or a weird moment, but the problem is when this ‘one-off’ keeps happening.”
“It’s important that when someone shows you who they are that you believe them,” she adds. “Otherwise, you’ve now fallen in love with the idea of someone instead of who that person truly is.”
How Soon Is ‘Too Soon’ to Fall In Love?
No one can put a timeline on true love, and honestly, as it’s a personal experience that depends on every person/couple. For example, some people truly believe in love at first sight. Who am I to project my own jaded perspective onto them by invalidating the idea?
“There is no one prescribed, magical timeline that leads to lasting love and a healthy relationship,” says O’Barr. “What is important is not falling into the trap of false intimacy. False intimacy happens easily in the beginning of a relationship as people are opening up to each other, putting their best foot forward, and feeling seen, all without having navigated tough times. Slowing down and giving each other time to be their true selves is important.”
That begs the question: Is there even a moment that’s considered “too soon” to be in love?
According to O’Barr, “‘Too soon’ would probably be before you have had the experience of being vulnerable.”
“Vulnerability is a huge way to earn and give trust,” she concludes.
The post How Soon Is ‘Too Soon’? The Dangers of Falling in Love Too Quickly. appeared first on VICE.
