Recently—as in, this past week—I realized one of my introverted mindsets was less common than I’d thought. Here I was, assuming everyone in the world felt as overwhelmed by plans as I did, only to learn that some people actually prefer a packed schedule.
This all started when I checked my calendar to see my next few weekends—you know, the only downtime I get to unwind and catch up on sleep—were already completely booked with social outings, celebrations, and family get-togethers. (Perhaps this is why summer absolutely drains me.)
You would think someone told me I was just sentenced to solitary confinement for the next month, though a part of me would prefer that fate.
Forget FOMO. The Joy of Missing Out Is Much More My Speed.
For some reason, my introverted self is far more overwhelmed than excited by social commitments. Now, I want to preface this by saying that I love my friends and family, adore my partner and his loved ones, and do enjoy spending time with other people, believe it or not.
But having my weekends pre-planned triggers a dread like no other. I already spend all week working and following a strict routine. Maybe we can blame burnout from all the writing I’ve been doing, or perhaps it’s just the state of the world and all its constant stressors that make me want to hide under the covers alone with a good book. Whatever the case, I’ve come to appreciate—and fiercely protect—my free time.
While some people might have a fear of missing out (FOMO), I experience quite the opposite: joy of missing out, or JOMO.
What Is JOMO?
As stated above, JOMO is the acronym for joy of missing out. It’s the feeling of euphoria you get when you cancel plans and bask in solitude while your friends spend all night at the bar. To some (especially extroverts), this sounds like an absolute nightmare. But to me (and perhaps other fellow introverts), it’s pure bliss.
I don’t feel threatened when loved ones gather without me, nor do I worry they’ll stop including me in their plans. FOMO often causes people to over-commit because they don’t want to miss out on any fun, but JOMO offers a sense of security in themselves and their own company.
To be honest, I don’t really give a shit if my friends or family make memories without me once in a while. They’ll tell me about it next time I see them! It doesn’t make me feel distant or disconnected from them. I don’t need to be at every single occasion to still feel loved and included.
As I said before, I had assumed most people felt this way, but that’s simply not the truth. I feel like the outlier in most of my groups because I crave more alone time than most people. But I’m also learning to honor this part of myself. Neither FOMO nor JOMO is right or wrong.
How to Embrace JOMO
Now that I know JOMO is a real phenomenon, and one that I often experience myself, I’m finding ways to embrace it. For example, if I feel exhausted by plans or dread an upcoming event, I don’t force myself to go (unless, of course, it’s an important celebration or much-needed catch-up with someone I care about). I tend to categorize my plans into different levels of priority, and I include “solo time” as a high-priority scheduled event. Otherwise, I won’t be much fun to be around anyway.
I also stopped comparing myself to other people or holding myself to others’ expectations. I am not as social as some of my peers, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s what makes me who I am. I write my best poetry and fiction when I spend more time alone. I find more fulfillment in one-on-one plans than in large parties. I’m more present and energetic when I give myself time to rest.
While some people recharge with other people, I recharge alone. And by accepting and accommodating this part of myself, I’m better able to show up for those in my life. Remember: you don’t need to be like anyone else. If you don’t look out for yourself, no one else will do it for you. Set your own boundaries, and embrace the joy you feel in missing out. I know I will.
The post I Don’t Have FOMO. I Have JOMO, and It’s Fantastic. appeared first on VICE.
